Heres to a new year

I feel like my new year is just now starting

It is suppose to start and January 1st

but for me

I feel like

I am starting now

Tomorrow is Feb 1st

and it is my new year

things were just as crazy in January

as they were last year

but now

I feel like we are settled

We have new beginings

still remembering the past

but not hurting quite as bad

because we now know

that even though we have lost

we have not really lost

we have memories

and them

with us

forever

It hits me

so hard

everyday

when I think of the loss

It is like I almost forget

and them bam

It hits me

Riley is gone

Walker is gone

Grammy is gone

Life moves on

but they too

can move on with us

I indeed

and taking a brand new year

and slowing down

and trusting

and playing

and enjoying

I will do the things I have spoken of

I will try to be better in so many ways

but know

that I am not perfect

I have my goals

I will strive here on out to acheive them

but know

I will fail

that is why I need God

I will make sure

I will try

to not be so

obsessive

in so many ways

so many

Right now

I have the sweetest boy named Bo

The kindest girl named Samantha

and the cutest little boy named baylen

and precious puppy named piper

that is tugging oh so much at my heart...

and again

an amazing husband

that I fall in love with

more and more

each day

Here is piper, finding a warm spot in the hall, where the sun comes in, Walker did the same thing

Baylen decided to play the drums....well in the buff

piper kisses

Bo decided to get every single one of Walkers toys and give them to piper, as she layed on Riley's bed

very sweet

sam and baylen getting a little cozy before bed

and she's out for the count....

great day...

in the sunshine

in the yard

swing'n on the swings

eatin'n lots of snacks

lov'n just being with the kids...never gets old....

Puppy Breath

We brought Piper home today

and she is full of spunk

Baylen and I

picked her up

and she rode in my lap

all the way to see Me Me and Grandaddy

and Aunt Carley

She and Jayme have nearly killed each other

But as you can see it the pictures

they have made up

It amazes me how much I see Riley and walkers Personalities

shining through

Jayme is a bit lazy, like Riley

and wants things a bit catered to him

Piper

has Rileys spunk

and attitude

where she is a bit sneaky

They both are a lot like Walker

want to please

Piper wants to be right by you

all of the time

And piper is walkers exact color

I love how she cock's her head to the side

just like Riley did

I love how

the sound of them in the house

makes it feel complete again

the best part is

is that I saw Sam and Bo and Bay

smile today

like I have not seen

them smile in a very long time...

still feeling a little bitter sweet

it is like right when I feel my heart doing flips

my mind catches up to me

and I feel like it is not right

I am trusting

that I am not in control

and what happens

is what is meant to be

these little guys have been sent to us

I will follow their lead

and my kids

It is kinda cool

not being is such control

I know

that Sam Bo and Bay

need them

just as much

as they need the kids

it seems like a perfect fit

it is just time for me

to say it is okay

and let it happen

it is not all about me

I can keep Riley and walker

in my heart forever

they are never going anywhere

ever

ever

I have to say

having them here

kinda makes them feel alive again

It was a great day

a great day

to yet again

use what I have learned

and not to worry

and know that

we are on a journey

and will always look back

and understand why what happens

happens

even though

in the moment

it may not make sense

baylen joining in on nap time....on Riley's bed!

No I did not pose this....

Wow...Riley and Walker for real!

Love

Baylen loves having a doggie that is actually smaller then him...for the moment....this has never happened!

Piper fell asleep in Samanthas backpack!

He did this himself!

Sam got a kick out of posing Piper...here she is checking herself out at her vanity

baylen and I got a turn

Pretty cuddly

Already like Walker...wearing crazy things on her head

And into the drawer she goes....

Help me

Doing her blog

dancing to Bo's music

Getting held by Bo and Baylen

and Samantha

Even going shopping....

Yes, it was a fun day....I am so tired right now...like having two toddlers added to the mix...crossing my fingers tonight they do not turn into newborns!

Mountains and hot cocoa

We just got back from a refreshing trip

to North Carolina

Even though it was not a vacation

kids were in tow

It was a trip

A fun trip

a nice trip

a great forty eight hours

with no cell range

Internet

or warm weather...

We found a playground across from the house we stayed in. It was so cold, but the kids liked it...

After just a little bit, we went across the road to the mountain grill, which is a little shack with a sign on it....and we got hot cocoa....then headed straight back to the house for warm bathes...

We passed this cow on the way....

Here is the little cute house that we rented...it was perfect

We hiked a mountain and played on the hills....

daddy watching Sam and Bo getting higher and higher...

Baylen just did not know what to think about it....

Bo got stuck...but got out fine....

Amazing view....

Phoebe and Samantha got there first....

Our view from the house...

Baylen resting on his hike....

It was a great weekend, back to the real world now. We had a great trip back, an afternoon full of fun...went to basketball game and a fun girls day with UGA athletics. It was so great to travel this weekend and get a little out of my comfort zone...nice to be home....

I feel moved

I will admit

I was down yesterday

sometimes the walls tend to cave in a little

I have to ward off that anxiety

daily

Sometimes it wraps its arms around me

and squeezes tight

very tight

and I can feel it physically

and mentally

I get stuck on everything

from cleaning

to organizing

to workout schedules

charts

charts

and more charts

I get a bit overwhelmed

and quite moody

This happens every so often

when I lose a bit of control

in the situations

that I am facing

And then

I realized that I need a little God time

and that I have yet again

forgotten who is in control

Gives me grace

and mercy each day

So when I am overwhelmed

really with things that I put on myself

I remind myself

that I need not be

that it really does not matter

and no matter what I do

the right thing will happen

that was to happen

in that moment

So

when I am trying to make the perfect decision

and having what if thinking

I need to put the blinders back on

and realizes that yet again

I over think

and

over do

many things

So it was in my Pilate's class

where I just breathed

And our bible study class

where we spoke of Gods grace

Where God refrains form punishing us when we are guilty

and Gods mercy

where He has compassion for our sadness

I remember

that when I mess up

it will all work out

and when I wonder if I made the right choice

I did

because if it was the wrong one

I will learn from it

and if it was the right one

well

then its good

but most importantly

I need to breath

Anxiety is my sickness

I battle it everyday

We all have our thorns

I am thankful for mine

it reminds me how much I need God

each and everyday

to stay focused on Him

and remind me

how little I am

and How big he is

and His love for me

is

unmeasurable...

I thank him for the angles he send me everyday

a husband that loves me

unconditionally

and tells me that I Rock everyday

everyday

really he does

Kids that I love more and more

each minute of the day

if that is even possible

and friends

that put a smile on my face

and family

that warms my heart...

I am surround by angles

that are in the present and the past

I know the ones that have wings now

are right there with us to

everyday

everywhere

I feel moved

yet again

Thank Goodness For the Sunshine!

I did not realize how much I craved the sun

until we did not see if for a few days

Today felt so good

the kids got off the bus

and we were outside and never looked back

We spent a while on the trampoline

then in the front yard playing t-ball

and in the playhouse

Jayme got lots of energy out

Bo taught Baylen how to hit a baseball

and I even got Christmas lights down

It amazes me

how feeling the sunshine

puts you in a good mood

Got my vitamin D today

felt really nice

I thank God for the sun

Love it when the kids get really dirty

Makes a bath worth it

and then in cozy pjs

all clean

Also went to the Art show at Barrow
here are Samantha and Bo's art work
precious
I could pick them out first thing
Love Love Love it

baylen decided today that he would put on every single one of Sam's headbands

He was very proud

this was after he drank some chocolate milk

which he obviously loved

It matched his dirt face

that later in the day he was sporting

after biting the dust

real hard

but after a few tears

was all smiles again

How did I get so lucky

I have the best kids in the world

the best husband

the best family

Feeling the sunshine

big time

Burnt Pancakes

So I had one of those ah ha moments today

and it happened through out the day

but started when I burnt pancakes first thing

So I came home from a great personal training session

all ready to walk into the house and make pancakes for the kids

I burnt them

like really burnt them

Like whole house was smokey and it smelled so bad burnt them

The thing is

the reason I burnt them

is because I was cleaning up after our sweet little foster dog that

decided to leave a not so sweet present for me in the corner

since he was left roaming the house

since he was kicked out of the bedroom

because he decided he too wanted to wake at 5:30 when I left

even though the rest of the house did not

So that being said

what happend was

even though I burnt the pancakes

it covered up the awful smell

that I had just walked into a few minutes before

Showing me

it is all about how you look at things

This continuted through the day

and amazingly enough

for the first time in I can't remember

I actually looked at the clock numerous times

and instead of wondering where the time went

could not believe how early it was

each time

therefore

everything around here today

was calm

cool

and collected

When I did things

I looked at the big picture

for example

as much as I want to go though the thirty plus sermons I have missed

I have decided to move forward

focus on today

and press on

I spend to much time

in the past

wanting

wondering

wishing

regreting

It is time to pick up

and press on

I am finding more and more

once I have a plan in place

it gets changed

I even find this in my classes

I get a plan and a new class starts

or stops

So

I decided today

which I am sure I will have to remind myself often

that I will live for today

and only today

As my tea fortune said

" The art of happiness is to serve all"

and I truly feel that that means living for today

and doing for today

and serving others

and myself

by knowing that I do the best I can

when I can

So

when you burn the pancakes

don't look at it in a bad way

or look at all of the things you don't do well

Think about what your are doing well

looking forward

knowing you can just suck it up and make a new batch

Bo never even commented on the smell

He just said

these are the best pancakes ever!

So four batches later

and a sink full of pans

we finally got some pancakes

and they were good

in more ways then one

Alone...but in a good way

Today was a very nice day

I think Sunday is one of my favorite days of the week

I love going to church and learning something new

or seeing something in a new way

that I have never seen before

I will start back tomorrow

with posting devotions

I am not upset

that life got a little crazy

but now

It is time

for me to get right back on track again

and share what God has taught me

that day

I want to beable to look back

and live what I have learned

we can all learn so much from eachother

I have to say

I did something today that I have never done

Samantha had choir for an hour tonight

I found a room in the church

and hid

I had a cup of coffee

a calandar

and a pen

and I planned

I wrote

and it was so quiet

quieter

then it has ever been before

I know this sounds super weird

that I enjoyed this so much

but no one could find me

nobody

It was the coolest thing ever

the phone could not ring

there could be no knock at the door

question, compaint, whine, need

something to clean, wipe up, fix

care for or do or distract me

Don't get me wrong

I love all that was mentioned above

But I have to tell you

that was awesome

I could think

for a whole hour

it is something

that I may have to do more often

forget shopping

or tv

or massages

that was

perfect

I thouht more about it

and I was in our church

which I think

made it

perfect peace.

Perfect

Got to enjoy a night at mom and dads

for my sisters birthdays

love birthday dinners

does not get better then that

yummy dinner

yummy cake

kids playing

and came home to a clean kitchen

feel blessed to live so close to family

Happy Birthday to my sisters

Heres to a new week

full of new adventures I am sure

looking forward to it

Rainy day

Bo's basketball game today was awesome

It amazes me how even with such a fast paced sport

Bo can still be in another world

acting like a monter

twirling about

yet not get run over

It is very amusing to watch

I think my favorite part is when he does something good

and looks over and smiles

He loves a crowd

We just got to get him to not duck when the ball comes at him

But I guess that is a lot like life

When things come at us

sometimes we duck

instead of taking it

and running with it

We had a great day

We were stranded inside

but it was acutally wonderful

Watching the rain pour down

We played games

watched movies

drank hot cocoa

even though it was sixty degrees

It was a good day

The kids did get intouble tonight

they decided it would be fun to jump off beds and try to land in a chair across the room

Daddy game in and

well

did the daddy thing

and they were scared

very scared

the whole way home they cried

Samantha said over and over

I just knew it was wrong

this is the worst day ever

Bo said

I am a bad bad boy

I told them

the fact that they were so upset with themselves

shows us

how good they are

even though they did not understand

it was sure nice

to see your kids beat themselves up about something

worse then we thought we would

Needless to say

I think seeing your kids care when they do wrong

really is the most important part

We all mess up

everyday

But wanting to do good

is what really matters

Everyday is a battle to be perfect

It will never happen

Just striving to learn from mistakes

not blame others

not have regrets

and try better

that really is the lesson for all of us