This only happens when the older two have just gotten off the bus and both have to be somewhere in ten minutes....never on a day around 10 in the am when we have no where to be...yep just at 3:20 on the one day we had to be out the door...sometimes I wonder if these two would be better off without the older two because they would not be carted everywhere...and wonder if the older two would be better off without the younger two so I could pay more attention to them rather then changing diapers and getting more juice..can you tell this mommy is having some guilt issues?

Yes lots...

It is official my 10 year old had her first teen moment that send a dagger through my heart

After I had spend most of my day searching for solar system supplies, and got books on the solar system, which I was later told was lame because there was Google ...I dropped Samantha off at her friends to make the project.....

Then I was off to take Bo to a birthday party....at a playgroup or two hours....

It was a blast and Bo had fun

I just had to hike a half mile twice for my small bladder son to tinkle

Hince we would have normally used a bush...but there were people everywhere

In the mean time McRae is being swung everywhere...and pretty warm to say the least

So, finally time to head home...to get Sam on the way....

I have three tired hungry sweaty boys in the car

When I stop to get Sam...she is not ready to say the least

They are done and just hanging out...but Sam made it very apperant that she was not ready

One of those moments where you do not know how to act because the parent is right there

Anyway.....very sweetly I said come on pepper...we got to go...boys are in the car.

She said, I don't want to see my dumb brothers...as she is laughing with her friends

I let it go

Okay, well they are waiting and are tired so lets go

"Why don;t you take them home and then come back later"

really

really

With a smile on my face, I said, no sweet pea

they have been focusing on you all day and need to get home...lets go

She looked at her friends and said "I don't like you...I don't want to go"

Gulp

What the......beep beep blank

Again, okay...well I am sorry you feel that way but I am going to the car and hope you will be there in two minutes

I smiled at the mom...we walked out the door and I acted as if everything was super duper

As I got to the car sweet Baylen had passed out...and Bo was practically in McRaes seat trying to calm him...

yes the air was going full blast and I could see the car....so don't call d fax

When Sam got into the car, she acted as if nothing was wrong

When we got home I told her to sit in her room as I took care of all three boys needs first before hers...

She burst into tears.

She knew

I never had to say anything

She begged for forgiveness

I told her I had read a scripture this morning

"We are all hearers of the word, so we must be doers"
I explained to her that we all know what we should do

She has a good sweet heart, but we must do what we beleive, and not just belice it

I went on to bathe her like I have to now with her foot and serve her up her favorite mac in cheese

We had a long talk

But, I can't help but to wonder what is coming

It is like I said in the very first paragraph....not meaning it the wrong way, but I have so much guilt

I often wonder if the older two suffer because I have to take care of lots of needs for the younger two so they get slighted...and then same thing for the younger ..do they feel like they are carted everywhere and the world revolves around the older two

I often think

If I just had one...it would get 100 percent

Now I have four and they are just getting 25 percent

will they be harmed by this

I know the answer no

I know

But I can't help but to think it

Would I trade one in

NO WAY

that is not what I am saying

I am just saying I wish I could give my all all the time to all of them

It is just so hard

At night when I pass out I often fall asleep going over my day and wondering if each of them felt the love I have for them

Wondering if I lost my patience and for one second did one of them not feel as important as the other

I am looking forward to summer

My one thing I want more then anything is to hop off the worry train

just be

just live in the moment in a sense of not second guessing or having what if thinking

I want to never feel rushed or feel like I have to do something or have to be somewhere

I want to learn to just be, and not have to be at it all...or perfect at it all

Summer here I come

I want to surround myself with my kids

Just lay there and let them fall over me like water fills the gaps of rocks in a creek

Just lie there,,,,and play an laugh

and just let them fill me.....and not rush them...hurry them......or anything of the sense. 

Stay tuned.....

will let you know how it is going

Had a blast this week

Tired as all get out

but a BLAST

I love slumber parties....

it makes me remember my childhood

and appreciate how amazing my parents were

and are

letting me have so many

Wow

Now I know why I am the way I am

I let Samantha have them

because I remember how much joy they brought to me

I am so thankful for so many memories

and it is so much fun watching my own kids create them too

Samantha had so much fun

Broken foot and all

she is such a trooper

all was good except for the tears on Saturday

that the "best birthday ever" 

was over

I told her that there would be many more....

can't believe she is my only girl

something tells me my three boys won't want to paint nails

stay up and giggle

do fashion shows and go to the mall for photo shoots

I guess I should atleast hope they won't

hee hee

All though sometimes I wonder about one of them

who shall remain nameless...

His name starts with a b and ends with an o

ha ha

So I have to say

I was quite proud of the pop corn bags I found for movie time

Thought they were so darn stink'n cute....

 Bo had many costume changes during the party...the found himself to be quite funny....

his sister...

not so much.

 So Bo came up with this one

are you surprised

after Samantha hit the ceiling about her brother getting her mustach stickers

she was able to calm down for a moment for a brief photo shoot

she has some of my sister in her

can NEVER miss a photo opt

 Have to say Bo is enjoying a little too much that Samantha can't chase him down

and beat him when he annoys her....

 Had to get a close up...this makes me smile....a lot!

 found this wine today...and it made me smile....also made me smile because it was four bucks....

 Found piper guilty....she woke up right after this and had a look of "I did not do it" on her face...she is sweet
If Samantha only knew what went on when she was at school!

 got a quick pic of the photo shoot...will post the pictures when I get them!

 So fun how the girls fought over pushing Samantha is the wheel chair...and who would use her crutches....

 This is what I found when we got back from the mall at eight....a sleeping superman...
he slept through girls squealing for three hours..until he was moved to his room....love that boy...

 painting nails with awesome aunt carley...paying her dues for all the nails I paiting of her friends :)

 Getting funny with Batman while Baylen snoozed

 Eating pizza...that they made...a must at peppers parties!

 Cookie cake...yum

 Samanthas new learned gangster hand that she puts up at photo opts
I guess I owe this to Clarke County Schools...hey...I'm not hate'n

Picture roll

Ninja turtle bright green drink did not last long

 So McRae finally meets his future wife...and he tries to eat her...not really...he just fell and does not know how to get up

 Look Caitlyn...I know how to grab my feet....she does not seem impressed....

 Ahhh shucks

 And this would be my goofy face

 baylen and Logan...look so much alike...just different color eyes

 two awesome guys...with sweet babies only a few weeks apart

 Baylen LOVES his MeMe

 McRae with Nana

 Happy Birthday Samantha...what happened to my little girl that was missing her front four teeth

 She special ordered the candles that looked like 10's

 Look a little guilty

 Samantha right away had to craft-ta-fie her crutches...yes she is my girl

 I thought she looked SO cute today..in her dress and converese...she seems like a pro already...even though all the stuff she can't do this summer is starting to soak in

 Here is an example of her sweet thankyou notes...each one was so different...it melts my heart how she is so sweet and kind and speaks from the heart....

 Baylen really got into this birthday thing!

 Ninja Turtles!

 love this pic

 and this one

 oh...not too okay with what was happening to his cake....that's my boy!