I have so much to say I never know where to start.....here are some of my favorite things lately....
Samantha is teetering between being a pre teen and a little girl. I love her little personality so much. She is sassy yet polite all at the same time. I get her. Not everyone does. But I love how we are a lot alike and I can help her through the times she gets so rattled...and calm her mind and heart. I love that little girl like I never knew I could.....
Dropped her off at camp today. It brings me such different emotion. It is so need she wants MeMe to go along too. Last year MeMe was carting Baylen and this year it was McRae. I am so proud of Samantha. She worked so hard to start walking to get to go to one of her favorite places on earth, next to Disney and the Beach. She was so cute today getting her bed all set up....I left her a package on her bed and I just wish I could see her face when she opens it. I got to see her one last time after her swim check...it made me sad to see that little limp...but she sure does not feel sorry for herself...she is such a go getter!I miss her dearly...but am so happy that I know she is so happy....

I love how Bo has wanted to be so helpful lately...he is such joy to my heart
He is my biggest one that wants hugs all the time...that will just ask for them
He is the one that will just tell you out of the blue how much he loves you
He has such a kind heart too

Baylen aka Grumpy Bear aka South Pole Elf...we don't know what you are going through now...but this too shall pass...I really don't mind you as my shadow and wanting to bed held all the time...and ooks read to you and things done your way...because I know one day you will not want that....

McRae I love how you just go with it....I love how you play with your hair when you drink from a bottle...

Much more to come!

I have been awful about not posting lately
I have been through one of those bumps that we come to in life
But this time
for the first time
I can say
even still with a little ounch of guilt and not 100 percent belief
I am so glad
I truly believe now that if we live to much in the past it causes nothing but saddness...guilt and should have thinking
I will live to much in the future we have anxiety and worry and what if thinking
If we just stay here
right here
we just are
we just see
what is right infront of us
Yes we smile at the memories
but don't have guilt and regret and second guesses
Yes we plan our future and get excited
but we don't lose sleep and get so unrattled when it changes
Because guess what
it will
that is the only thing I am sure of
So
As I have so many guilty feelings and regrets
like it took me six months of McRaes life to figure this out
I realize that I still dont have it figured out
and that I have had to let a lot go
and when I mean a lot I mean a lot that I just put on myself
I have made a promise
As long as I am in the moment with my kids every day
and teaching them life lessons
that I am still learning
and they see me as  real person
then that is all I need to be doing
I will always stop to work a puzzle
battle batman
rock a baby
and have a talk
I have a lot to catch you up on and indeed I will
but part of what I am working on is my obsessiveness...
which will result in less blogs
but which will probably make them that much better
not that that matters....
Going to bed tonight I am smiling
I know for a fact that each of my kids got hugs
kisses
and talks
all through out the day
and as they laid their heads on the pillow
they know how much I love them....
and yes there is a dish in the sink
and the laundry is going
and legos on the floor
but I don't care....I say that 100 percent