Good Bye 2012 Hello 2013

I am sipping a glass of red wine
Oh yes I am
And it is new years eve
And it is 10:14
And I am about to put my fourth down for bed...for a few hours atleast
And I will see 2013 around 1 am
I decided to blog before this feeding...to go over just a few things....
A few things that I am thankful for as the year comes to a close
And what I am looking forward to for 2013
First I would like to say
The past three weeks have been a blur
Just like the first few weeks of 2012
It is amazing how this year has had a way of bookended itself
We started the year with a worldwind of saddness in the passing of Grammy
And I am ending the year
not with saddnes
the opposite
But still a worldwind of emotions
I have to say I am so blessed
so happy
and so inlove with my newest little bundle.....
And I say this
because it was today that I realiazed that the other three are inlove with theri brother
and can't get enough
and that makes me happy
I am so thankful....
for how tonight after McCrae's bottle he fell asleep on my chest
and I got a blanket
and it was freezing outside
but we were inside
on the couch and I closed my eyes and could feel him just breath up and down
his face all sqooshed with no cares in the world
and I just sat
and it was perfect
and I did not want him to grow ever....
and to make it even better
Baylen came with him blanket and passy and book
and wanted me to read
and then he wanted to hold "Crae"
and I looked at his sweet little hands on his back
and they looked so big, yet still so small
and I loved to hear Baylen talk with a passy in his mouth,
and he kissed Craes head....and seemed so sweet and gentle with him
and in love
He looked at me and said
lets keep him mom
And then just a few minutes later...Sam comes bouncing in
all smiles
in her princess pjs
wanting to be tucked in....
and Bo came and gave me a kiss on the head and said
I just love you so much mommy
We had fun tonight
as others are living it up downtown

we had lasagna and sparkling water
and toasted the new year
Bo said he loved 2012 because of Ninjago....
Sam said she loved it because she got a brother and had an awesome Christmas
We toasted and watched Big Bird
It was perfect
Not sure Kevin agreed, but I thought it was
So
Good bye 2012
I have so many hopes and dreams for 2013
Things as simple as washing my face and taking a shower every day
And drinking water and doing a devotion
But most importatntly
I look forward to enjoyiing every moment with my kids
And letting things go
and rolling with it
and just being
just being in teh moment
and smelling my babies head
working puzzles with baylen
Looking into Bo's eyes when he is talking to me
and having lots and lots of one on one time with my girl.....
looking forward to 2013.....cheers!

Oh Yea...

I titled this post Oh yea  because that is what happens after you have your fouth baby
There is a lot of Oh yea's
Like Oh yea...I did not remember that...and for good reason
It is amazing what you forget...I guess that is so you will indeed have more
It has been a great amazing few days...but I would like to recount some things...
First of all I am already missing the turning and leaping in my belly
When I came to the hospital Wednesday morning it brought back memories of being here with Kevin
Just the two of  us
Getting into a gown and hooked up to a monitor
It is so exciting
Then is when things go so fast!
I have to say one of my least favorite things in the whole world is getting an iv started
and yet again
It took five plus sticks to get it in
I can't stand iv's hate them with a passion!
Then Mom and Dad come...and the kids come

I can't believe how fast it goes that morning
Then off to prep....we had to go down to the OR this time
All four deliveries have been different
Samantha was at St. Marys and I remember waiting all day for her
Bo was at Regional in a small room....Baylen here too but with a new doctor and bigger room
And this one in the OR
I can still remember how the beds were facing, and how all the rooms look the same..they were still different
I can remember oddly enough how the bed was facing in each surgery
Bo was at 6 o'clock
Baylen was facing at 9 o'clock
and this one was facing 3 o'clock
I remember all of them like they were the same but different
No for the surgery
I will never forget...even though I had forgotten...
How cold the room is
How I hate the waiting of sitting and having your back scrubbed with really cold iodine and having a needle poked in that feels like a very bad bee sting
And then moments later losing all the feeling from you waist down
Then having three people move you onto a table
Totally exposed
You can feel them lifting your legs...like they are as heavy as concrete.
Did I mention there was bright bright lights on you
All modesty is gone...way gone
As if this is not enough
Here comes the nausea
As your arms are strapped down and you can not move  your lower body
It is such a great feeling to throw up to the side
Awful
truly
But is is wonderful to have an amazing anesthesia at your head to fix it....and talk you through it
Then Daddy gets to come in
After all is calm and well
I love this part
when I can just see him and we can talk about what is about to happen
I love to see him in scrubs
Then I always hear
I can see the baby
and then we get to hear the cry
Only this time there was no cry
McRae had some trouble with breathing
which was a bit scary
But they assured me all was okay
I am glad they were calm
I could only see so much
I never like the part where Kevin leaves with the baby and I stay to be sown up
And then recover
It is so long
But what I do love is seeing the kids come in and see what the baby is
And all the family gather around
It feels like we were just here doing that.....
Now back to what you forget
I forgot that that first night is so rough
being hooked up to so many things
Having your temp and blood pressure taken on teh hour
and to be awakened by someone wanting to draw your blood
And the fact that they want you to walk in the middle of the night
Which oh my gosh
so hard
you think you will never walk again
It takes thirty minutes to get up and walk to the bathroom
Which is a whole different story when you have had a catherder
Trying to go for the first time must be how a two year old feels when they are trying to go potty on the big potty And then the feelings
that don't seem to line up with the nurse coming  in and out
And then everything starts back very early the next morning
And I too forget
How you blood pressure drops in the shower that first time
and how it is so hard just to shower
And how pulling off the bandage gives me the heeby geebies
How your cloths still don't fit
But it is nice to put real clothes and get out of that gown
The itchiness is still there....from surgery...you itch all over
The bleeding and the really cool underwear that is netting is great too...and the pad they give you that you could parachute with....why yes... I feel very glam!
And then the emotions always hit
When your kids are here and have to leave
They are like dominoes
One cry's and then the other and then the others
And then I tear up
It is so hard to be away
But I look at the big picture....
This is just a few days without them
I am enjoying some one on one time with my new guy...
As hard as it is to hold back the tears when number 1 2 and 3 walk out of the room
I know that they love me dearly
And I know that they know how important they are to me....
I say it over and over
I am blessed so very blessed!

It's finally 12 12 12

I am just now sitting and it is 12:42am
I think all is done
I am wired
Just like Samantha said...it is like Christmas Eve...
getting to unwrap a wonderful gift in the morning
I am teetering between wanting to really think about it
But then I will get sentimental and emotional
And occupying myself with tasks and the other kids
So I won't think to much about it
About the fact I am having major surgery...
Worrying about the babies health...
Will everything go okay and on and on
It is so bitter sweet
I ache
I hurt
I want my body back
But at the same time I want to remember the kicks and turns
the punches and the whirl wins
I hope that feeling never really leaves you
My sciatica hurts
The pain that shoots down my leg throbs
I miss being able to sit on the floor
and get up from it once I am there
But I know never again
I said that last time...but did not really believe it
Pregnancy is not something I truly love
I don;t not like it
but I am not in love with it
So
As I sit here and wait to unwrap my package in a few short hours I am so many emotions in one
I am still in the recliner on night three with Bo being sick
I worry about him
I had a great girl talk with Samantha
she is the sweetest thing that ever lived
I had a special night playing trains with Baylen and reading Books...
who by the way is not in the least excited about this new addition
As I type, I feel kicks
As I type I am achy and crampy and contractions are here
I want to savor every moment tomorrow
I am ready to meet my fourth blessing
Such Blessings
I finally know now that I will love this one just as much as I love the other three
It took three to truly believe that
I remember each one coming
and questioning how could it be possible
Then I realized that love multiples not divides
I will try to sleep now, five thirty will come fast
Muffins are baked
Each room is clean
all laundry is done
Medicine has been given
bag has been packed
Special dinners the past two nights for the kids have been made
Diaper Bags are ready
Rooms are vacummed mopped and dusted
Fridge is cleaned out
Trains have been played with
Pantry has been stocked
Backpacks and clothes have been layed out
Tummy has been scrubbed
Gifts for birthday parties have been wrapped
cameras are charging
Notes have been written
and prayers have been said
Now we much wait
just a bit longer
for this gift...this wonderful gift...

My plan versus His plan

First some pictures from the week...

the lego ninjago's got a hold of Ryan!

ryan playing uno with all of his strawberry shortcake ladies

Baylen thought UGA deserved a spot in the nativity scence

A message from Ryan to Sam Bo and Bay

Now Ryan, you will not find much in Mommies purse

At the Christmas Parade...it was so much fun!

Samantha and I at our pedicure

It was so much fun....

Love the color she picked!

Samantha thought it was AWESOME

Now Ryan,

You will get a tummy ache

Samantha selling scarves at the Holiday Market

She only sold one

But I am so proud of her

Looking so cute 

Baylen and Hudson at the puppet show

As I sit here and listen to Bo hack up his lungs
I can't help but to think of how yet again I got ahead of myself
and planned way to much out
It was on my calendar
Today and tomorrow were to be chilling out with Baylen
Running some last few errands before the keys were taken away from me
Having my last two days of Baylen napping and getting some down time to clean wrap and have just a few moments to check emails, surf pintrest and watch a little Kelly and Michael
But
Instead
I spend it at the doctor and then going around town to find tamaflu
I already know that I will indeed look back on this and remember when this one was born and how Bo was sick
We will always remember
But now I am a bit emotional
I wanted to enjoy these last two days with Baylen
Nobody or nothing taking any attention away from him
I wanted the perfect pictures at the hospital of Bo Sam and Baylen meeting their sibling
But Bo will not be able to meet him or her that day,,,,,
But like I have said before
I refuse to be bitter
or sad
or resentful
or mad
or anything that is not positive
It is kinds nice when things like this happen
to jolt us
to let us know
to give us that peace
that our plans really are just hooey
I always have this picture of God
right when he thinks we get a little out of hand
He makes a move to put us right back where he wants us
focusing on Him
Knowing that He has the final say
Some may say that is scary
But I find it so very comforting
That I really do not have the control I think I have
Just like how it always seems that someone throws up or spills something the day after I mop
Or how when I get all the laundry done is the time my wonderful husband decides to clean out his gym bag
It just happens that way
So
I will take a different look at it now
And not be sad that I have two boys to take care of these last two days
But be happy that I get to love extra hard on my first boy
and that he gets that extra TLC when he really needs it
And that really he probably will be totally pumped to wear a mask at the hospital
that is his thing!
So as the past few days have not gone as I have planned
I am okay with that
Just like I know the next few weeks will not go as smoothly as I have in my head
But I will let go
My kids are okay
and if they are okay
then I am okay
everything else can go hey wire
and that is okay
really
Presents aren't wrapped
Advent calendars have not been followed
I am guilty of not having HOPE and PEACE these past few days
But
I am glad that I can always reset
and go forward
and be so thankful of the warning
that I am not in control
and that all I can control is my attitude!
So I will be Peaceful and Hopeful looking forward to the next excitement that God throws my way....
I can already tell being a mother of four ROCKS
there will be no time to be perfect....

                                                                 

Here is my husband clark with his peeps in training

                                                        Ryan taking barbie on a date

                                                     Pure sweetness....only the flu can take him
                                                down....and no...as high energy as he is...I never would
                                               wish this on him......

Monday Memories in Motion

What a fun week

Feel like everyone is catching up with us in the Christmas Spirit!

I have come out of mourning for a bit

from the heartache I encountered on Saturday night

we will not discuss that

I know I should have perspective

I know I should know life does go on

But 

my blood bleeds red and black

and I feel like I lost part of my heart on Saturday 

I love my dawgs

But....

know all things happen for a reason

and even though it is just football

all plans will be revealed

Here is one of the MANY sweet things that Samantha does

she melts my heart daily

She has a classmate that lost her mother

She was very sad about this

This is a card that she made her

Wow

Her artwork blows me away!

Ryan the elf has been up to no good all week!

Here he is hanging upside down after drawing mustaches on the kids pictures in the hall

Jamming on the guitar

Baylen has loved getting out Bo's toys that he has not played with in a while

He loves trains and rescue heros

Samantha has been an amazing sister and loves to play with him

They sit together and run the trains and yell

ALL ABOARD CHOO CHOO

Baylen gets such a kick out of it

 Falling asleep to our first Christmas movie of the 25 days of Christmas countdown!

Baylen is very excited that he is part of the fun....

 Ryan brought advent calandars.....very exciting even though Baylen wanted to open all the flaps at once

Get ready

This is quite funny

Bo can to me and asked if I could take some pictures of him 

being a gun man

 Should I be concerned

Don't you love the black socks

 This is how Piper decided to enjoy the rest of Kevin's icecream
Have seen a lot, but never this!

This is what I found in Samanthas room

the sweetest thing EVER!!!!

Get'n crafty...made this for my niece Rebecca....

Ryan working a puzzle

Ryan on the potty...how inappropriate...yet very funny and a bit hit!

Peppermint milkshakes for Sam and Bayeln after second day of orthodontist! Sam was a trooper!

 Ryan was covered in stickers and Sam and Bo woke up to find stickers on each others foreheads!

 Samantha insisted that the baby got a few shots.....

I love advent....we have started a lot of our advent traditions around the house....our chain that counts down to Christmas....watching movies or shows each night....reading a christmas book and scripture from the Christmas story...of course eating our advent chocolate and doing fun activites from our advent activity calandar. We have also made an advent wreath and tree that helps us remember symbols and what we need to focus on each week of this season. 

 HOPE

“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those

who lived in a land of deep darkness — on them light has shined.”

– Isaiah 9:2

Lord as we look to the birth of Jesus, grant that the light of your

love for us will help us to become lights in the lives of those around

us. Prepare our hearts for the joy and gladness of your coming, for

Jesus is our HOPE. 

Never really have posted after a Georgia loss....but I am finding it is so much like life
As I sit and hurt about the loss...it hurts because as much as you think you deserve something
We all do not get what we deserve
and really that is a good thing
We do so much bad
We are not faithful and we sway from God
But we still get blessings and good and Gods grace prevails
So
As soon as we think we should get something because we deserve it
that is where we go wrong
We will learn something from this
Again
I know it is just a game
But really it is not
It is life
You work hard at something
you do things right
and you still fall short
we could question why
but then you look back and see what all you learn from it
Taking everydays lesson no matter what where it comes from!
Go Dawgs
We can carry what we have learned onto next year

 

Okay

so this week was full of some AMAZING shots

really

So

no room for blogging my thoughts

I got lots to say tomorrow...

but for now...

here is Monday's picture roll

a day late

they are beauties if I say so myself!

 

 

 

Can you say the cutest things EVER!

I walked in briefly to get something and I came  back to this

not prompting

I AM SO SERIOUS!
They were sitting on the bench in Riley and Walkers garden

and Baylen arm was around Hudson

I wish I knew what they were talking about

Best Bud's

Samantha is so sweet when she wants baylen to come in her room and play

He was very proud of the design that he made

what is sweeter

that he wants to do whatever Samantha wants him to do

Or the fact that Samantha lets him play with her stuff?

Lazy Saturday morning

there is something cozy about sweats and a pair of socks!

Thanksgiving day

playing Buzz and Woody with Pat Pat

she has not changed a bit

Love that Baylen is getting to have fun times with her

brings back many memories

Can't believe everyone is looking...and it was so painless!

four generations

Samantha Mom

Mommys Mom

MeMes Mom

Got it :)

 

Very excited to be a Dawg fan

 

waiting to see if we can win it all

 

GOOOOOO DAWGS

 

Loved these leaves

They are precious

Kevin getting ready to be Clarke Griswold

He said he needed his 22 oz dew in his Dew Goblet to get the job done!

So glad I had my camera handy at 7:40 am

in the Walmart parking lot

while Baylen was sporting footy pj's

insisting that Woody was seated

belted

right next to him

He even got a cookie from the bakery!

Love Love Love

watching the kids go through all the Christmas catalogs and putting their names on the pictures

Love to watch them believe and get so excited

Ryan our elf is BACK

The first night he wrote this on the bathroom mirror

He is on the light fixture above the mirror

and Yes that is my belly that did not seem to make it out of the picture

And then the next night

a mean transformer trapped him under a cup!

Bo decided to leave him a mint to take to Santa

that was SO sweet and cute

I could not resist taking a picture of Samantha

she looked so cute all the way to her boots and bow

I love how Baylen wanted to jump right into the picture!

Baylen had a blast this morning

He was so busy just playing and playing

Here he was giving Woody and Grinch a bath

I love how it looks like the Grinch is looking at Woody like

I am so not okay with this

and his arm even looks like it is hanging on for dear life

Baylen and I enjoyed our hot co-co as he says....

Love a morning with no where to go

with My Bay Bay

I would be lieing if I did not own up to some last few weeks cravings

there is just something about salty and sweet

and by the way I have only done this two times

okay three

but that is IT

the other times I just get a slushy or shake :)