My Loves

My Loves

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Feeling very blessed tonight.
I say this in a hesitant way because just because I feel like I have everything in the world I would still feel blessed if the world came crashing down. Blessed to me is knowing that Jesus has my back. Knowing that Jesus gave me EVERYTHING and I did NOTHING to deserve or earn it. NOTHING. I did not ask to come into this world. Jesus put me here. I prayed for each of my children. I found myself worrying about each of them. And in the was Gods hand that brought them to me in his time frame. Just like he placed the perfect husband for me in my path. I find each day a challenge. To live with anxiety is a true challenge. You never know when a dark cloud will come up and take over your world. Not a sad cloud, not a cloud that you can just run and take cover. But one that comes out of nowhere that you have to just ride out. It is a daily struggle to find that sunshine. Not the sunshine as if being happy over being sad. But sunshine knowing that God is truly in control of every breath and move I make. When I hand it over to Him I truly have peace and sunshine. When I am feeling sad that a chapter of my children is closing...I choose to be happy and excited about the new chapter that is about to start. I want to live in the day. Not agonize about the past or be anxious about the future.
My 13 year old Samantha brings be so much Joy. Her smile, her eyes her sweet tender pure heart. Her yearning to have one foot in her childhood and one foot in adulthood. As we ran 13 miles together I both thought of the 13 years of joy she has brought me and the many years I pray that we will draw closer....
My 10 year old Bo, is challenging me. I spend most of my prayer time with this one. I pray for patience and piece. He too has one foot in childhood and one in  I don't know what. He shows me glimpses of the younger round faced Bo...but quickly catches me off guard with vanity and a snippy attitude. I pray to take the opportunity to take it as a challenge to be patience. I can't imagine what his little mind has to go through.
My 6 year old Baylen, is a breath of fresh air. I love how he thinks. He over thinks, but yet he does not. He is such a blend of his older sister and brother. He analyzes yet does not stress. He is constantly hungry trying to feed that huge brain. He loves to read and be sung to. I treasure his innocence yet big boy trapped in a little boy body
Oh my 3 year old McRae. Are you Happy Mommy...a common statement form my bundle fury. He keeps me on my toes. I love him to the moon and back. God blessed me with him cause God knew how bad I wanted him. What a perfect bookend to the first born that I prayed so deeply for. He is such a smart boy. He is such his own person, not really a blend of any of this siblings....he my has Samanthas eyes, Bo's face shape and Baylens brains...but he is SO his way God would make two of that Crae Dog.....

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Baylen got his very on library card and he is 
sooooooooooo excited

Thursday, March 24, 2016

I am back on the train....after Christmas, Barrow Boogie, beach pack, beach, beach unpack, Bo's birthday planning, happenings, cleaning up from it, opening day at the ballpark, preparing for Bo's big conferences and the other kiddos conferences....on top of my lovelies being home for half day and picking up some more hours at the gym...I am seeing a little bit of clear space on the horizon. Enough that I indeed got back on par with laundry to day and dishes. Translation...they are not overflowing. The kids rooms are still a force to be reckoned with and winter clothes are still staring me in the face when we are in full spring mode...but I am not drowning at the moment. I feel about 82 percent of my day with guilt...guilt of am I grieving enough of myself to each family. Then in turn the worry of am I not giving enough time to myself...not like you think...but like did I shower, brush my teeth, eat a vegetable or take a vitamin today. So, one of the guilty things I ponder is that I can't remember my kiddos as little wee ones. As I look at McRae...I just cant picture the other three in a car-seat at three. I squint my eyes and try, but it was like another life ago. I try so hard to stay right here...not getting too stuck in the past and wishing it was still here....and I try just as hard not to worry or be anxious about the future...It is just so dang hard. I want to try and meet you here every Wednesday and Sunday. Kinda my check in times. My Wednesday Wonderfuls and Sunday Summaries. We will see. I want to post pics of what is going on and include my thoughts, prayers and happenings. I hope to have this for my kids to look at as they grow to remind them of how much fun we had, are having and what my hopes and dreams are for them. I want to be able to look back on it and smile at the funny things they said and the big picture that in intertwined with the little things that happened each day. I want it to be a way to show a testimony of how God weaves His master plan into this big thing called life. As I sit here on Thursday during Holy Week it is my prayer that I end this lenten season with full trust and thanksgiving. Giving all the moments to God and letting him know how thankful I am for my many blessings....
Just a quick thought....\ are the sweetest, kindest most genuine person I know. I am not just saying this. One word that describes you is passionate. You are passionate about everything you do.  You are forgiving, humble and innocent. You are quick to admit your faults and have a tender soul. are determined. You are all in or all out there is not in between. You are quick to anger but quick to fall to your knees and pray. You have a soul that is deep and rooted. I learn so much from you in how to be a free spirit and roll with things. are a breath of fresh air. Unlike you your older siblings you do not stress nor anger. You stay in the moment and speak the truth. A word for you is balance. You balance me. You are a deep thinker yet are very level headed. You have a way about you that brings peace. are a little ball of fire. You glow in so many ways with your flame. You are feisty yet constantly hugging. You hold your own. A word for you is crafty. In the sense of one step ahead at all times. When I think I know your next move you always seem to amaze me. Your way of saying things makes me laugh and worry at the same time. I love that you are a mix of the olders yet your own at the same time.

Saturday, February 6, 2016

Here is a long overdue post of pictures that wrapped up our awesome 2015...