Thursday, August 30, 2012

Thursday thanksgivings "Broken"

It would seem odd that I would title a thanksgiving Broken
But I think sometimes we have to be broken
for God to put us back together again
I find everyday God reveals to me a new direction
a new way to look at things
a new perspective
 
I have already learned so much through Baylens "broken" leg
I feel it is ironic
that during his physical brokenness
we are all broken mentally and emotionally also
We always have two choices
just like he does
to wallow in self pity
feeling sorry for ourselves
blaming others
like that big kid that fell on him
or being sad and depressed that he can't run and jump
But no
he has chosen to drag himself
and do what he can still do
100 percent of the time
no
there are still angry faces
and tears shed
and help me ma ma at least ten times every half hour
but it shows me
that he is trying to be positive
but as he looks up with his brokenness
with that sweet face and hands outward
I feel like God must feel
How often do we do that in our brokenness
We try to mend our own wounds
Do we drag ourselves across the floor and look up
and say
Help me
We really could learn lots from a two year old
Even though at first it seemed frustrating that he needed so much help
but really
it is awesome
he tries but when he feels he can do no longer
he swallows his pride and knows where his help comes from
So
In our brokenness
do we outstretch our arms to God?
Do we
Why do we carry that burden
God never promised there would not be brokeness
he just promised that he would be with us during it
I think baylen breaking a bone at the same time I am dealing with some
brokenness
is not just happenstance
I do not think so for one minute
It is the holy spirit at work
We are both ready to be healed
ready for Gods guidance in what the next step should be
I know that we are never in safe place
and the second you think you are
you will get hurt
Not saying you should walk around not trusting anyone
but know that you will get hurt
just like we hurt others
the world is full of hurt
My prayer today is that I never hurt others
like I feel I have been hurt
It is my dream not that my kids never feel hurt
because I know that is how they will be strengthended
but that they never cast hurt on others
and if they do
which I know they will
they will own up to it
I pray this for myself to
 
So if you are feeling broken
in anyway
take it as an oppurtuinty to drag yourself across the floor and reach your hands up
and say Lord
Help me
I am tired
show me what you want me to do next
take the burden of the wonder and the anxiety away
and let me know and rest asure
that you got it
and nothing
nothing
happens out of your will
help me to align all of my thoughs with yours


Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Whatever Wednesday's


Whoo
Just like the battery that we have to keep charging for Baylens power chair
I feel like I am having to recharge mine 
Right when I wanted to get back into an everyday blog
something happens
One of these days I will believe that
that right when your schedule seems steady and controlled
things get a little nutty
I have been zapped the past forty eight hours
Honestly I feel nauseous and tired
emotionally 
I know that it is not a big deal that Baylen broke his leg
there are so many other HUGE things going on with so many others
it just hit me a bit
gave me a little heavy heart
I can already see how this glitch is working for the good
Baylen is learning so much about how we all should be
for example
when he sees that there really nothing he can do about this thing on his leg
he had two choices
to keep crying and be frustrated
or learn to scoot and make the best of it
which today
he chose choice two
if adults only were the same
there was still a little frustration
a lot of Help Me mommies
but no tears, or anger
just sweetness
He booty scooted lots
and has learned to fall graciously off of things.
He is making the best of it
He is looking at a new perspective on things
He teaches me everyday
Taking the challenges we get each day not as obstacles
but as ways to praise God for the good days
and more importantly 
to help remind us that is is all about perspective
We can't control the punches
but we can choose how we roll with them


Crazy to see Baylen standing in this picture from last week....
only if we knew
He loves so much learning new karate moves, he watches every thing Bo teaches him...
I don't know who enjoys it more....


really awesome weekend...took Samantha to a princess breakfast...she ate it up...loved spending a morning with my girl...dressed up like a princess and everything...it was priceless....
She never skipped a beat...never for a second acted as if she felt a little odd at 9 getting into this...love that girl! We were only one of four there...had all the princesses to ourselves...so cool
Note...sams dress use to come to her ankles...I think it is even cuter now!
She really bonded with Snow White....
this is baylen is jumpy number one for the weekend...it was not until jumpy number three that finally took him down on Sunday....it was fun when it lasted!
Sam did some rock climbing...she zipped up that wall like it was nothing...impressive to watch...

And....here we are now....wow...it looks so clean...looking kinda shabby today after we have learned to scoot!
Had to post one more...love baylens stance in this one!

Could not leave out my moment of fame!
really was a fun weekend. Can't beleive just now blogging and it is Wednesday.....it is a journey right. Never expecting things to go as I planned....that would just be silly....looking forward to new exciting things to come...imperfect progress!!!!

Friday, August 24, 2012

thursdays thankfuls





Had one of those days yesterday and the day before....which is my excuse for not posting for two days....that was well, wow. Nothing really I can pin down, but for real was going a mile a minute. I was physically emotionally and mentally drained! Nothing huge happened, just little thinks kept chipping away....let me explain

A whinny two year old, that said "momma hold me" which, I love, I really do, but this baby was not liking it and for the first time I was feeling the fatigue

But I think of all the moms that have kids grown up, and wish that they could hold a little one
and then I gladly....reach down and get that little buddy....

Mentally...
A two year old that will not go to bed at night with out a 10 minute ritual of...hand pound...piper hand pound....samanthat (aka pepper) kiss....Bo kiss....read nother book, milk, brush teeth, cover me, light on, elmo pillow, no covers, wheres daddy, juice, music on, and then it cycled back through because he forgot that he had gotten all of the above...
patience
I pray for patience
Everynight after I decompress for a few minutes I feel bad that I lacked patiece
but it wears on ya
I smile 
and my heart loves it
deep down
but by 8:26 
I am out of energy

Physically.....
A six year old that I promise does not use the floor to walk on
He is leaping from sofa to chair and back again
I often find him dancing on top of the dinner table....
the energy
He is usually first up 
last to sleep
he has not mute button
he is on or off
He also has no volume button
he is loud or quiet
and when he is quiet 
something is up
I try to not loose patience with him
when he is wrecking everything around him including our mental state
and he does not like to clean up ANYTHING in his path
and if you ask him too
It is like asking him to get a tooth pulled
I love him, don't get me wrong
but again
exhausting


And a 9 year old
Bless her little heart
her mind races a mile a minute and that exhaust me in itself
she thinks, thinks and thinks some more
she in no way physically or mentally exhausting...but she got me in the emotional department
Do I wave to her, or not
do I hug her or not
do I walk her to class...do I tell her i love you...if I do she may be embarrassed, if I don't she may think I did not mean it
Lots of what I say is taken the wrong way
like I said before
bless her heard
When I discipline her brother, she takes the blame and begs for forgiveness and I know this sounds sweet
but it to can wear on you
we do need to polish that halo daily
She has got to be the sweetest kindest kid anywhere 
but she has quite the emotion
and yes, 
she got it from me 
I think often of the little fifth graders moms blog I follow that is battleing cancer for the forth year....man am I blessed

Even though I am tired...I am blessed...and blessed to be tired!

Not sure about the baby...wondering what is left in me in the end of the day....knowing it will balance out...I am sure of it!

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5 

I love this verse and I need to reflect on it daily....I have this thing in my mind that everyone is judging me. From my kids to my friends, clients to my family. And no, they do not give me ANY reason as to really doing this
.It is all in my head
I need a reality check sometimes that I am not the vine
I am indeed a branch
and all of my strength comes from God
Maybe the reason I get so tired is because I cut myself from the vine and tried to do it all on my own
perfectly 
to the t
not wanting to leave any mess behind in the kitchen
or raise my voice for one second with the kids
I want to do and be so much to them
to everyone
but 
I have to stay connected to that vine
and know that God wants me to be a branch
he wants me to remain in Him, and know that if I don't fill my cup daily 
I am nothing
can do nothing

So 
as I get cited for a barking dog...which I spend hours a day making sure sure she is not barking
as I find out things are being done that hurt me by peers and friends
I must remember that God has that plan
and it is not for me to make everyone happy
every minute of the day
and it is not for me to try to prove myself to anyone
or wonder what they are thinking
It is for me to show his love
and in his love
we are not perfect
we are weak
he is where we get our strength




Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Tuesdays Treasures


The devotion I read today was AWESOME
it talked about how you have to get into God's Word every day and pray for Him to give you grace, patience and self-control. You have to make the choice every day to invite God's spirit to interrupt what is coming out of your mouth,  so you can have gentle answers that turn away evil! 

Isaiah 43:18-19
"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?" 

Ephesians 4:31-32,
 "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."


Some things I have been thinking about lately that I am thankful for...
Watching Baylen in his Pj's, passy and shoes in the yard early in the morning

How Samantha still wants to hold my hand and be tucked in at night

How Bo is such a mamma's boy

How Piper really really is a good dog when I think about it

How Baylen love to sing about little mouse...and learns new things everyday that we just think are simple

How Sam will still stick her fingers in her mouth and "love on lovie"

meal time, even if it is loud. I love how full our table is getting

How Baylen talks to everyone that walks by, really everyone

The kids playing in the yard until dinner time

Swinging kids on swings

blowing bubbles

going to the park and not being rushed

Trying to figure out fourth grade homework

a new school year

Always finding rocks in my washing machine....makes me smile

How happy sitting in the firetruck at Walmart makes Baylen, even if it is not even on!

The ironicness of the difference in Sam and Bo's lunchboxes....
Sams is completly cleaned out,,,not a speak
Bo's has wadded up napkins, half soaked in chocolate pudding
a half eaten yogurt that now is all over the sides
and a juice box
that had just a bit left...that now soaked his backpack.
Gotta love it
Good thing Baylen askes for a wipe about every five minutes...maybe it just skips a child each time...so I guess this one will be just like Bo.....
that makes me smile


accepting the fact that it is never all done...but if you don't chip away at it day by day
my house and life would be up to the roof, so what I am doing that feels like it does not matter...does

The questions that come out of Bo's mouth
like can we go to Jerusalem one day?



Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Monday Memories in Motion

Bo and Baylen had fun giving Piper a bath...
she did not know what to think of the bubbles...

 I have said it before, but Baylen copies Bo's every move...
Bo put a bandanna on to "rob some money"
So Baylen found a doll dress and pretended too...
even making the same sounds and hand motions..
Baylen had a blast with his toy car in the yard
we decided afterwards to take it with some bubbles to the big open church lot
he rode and rode
until he was stung by two wasp's...
then it was home to cuddle with blankie and passy
and popsicles of course





 Baylen is very interested in climbing the fence to peek over

 The boys love being in the yard more then anything....
 Bo was pretending to be spiderman....earlier that morning I was awoken by him on the trampoline at 6:45
in full spidy gear....so happy in his own world
 so here is what Baylen was looking at...a bunch of crazies running races...with their ankles tied together carrying tourches....yes...it comes with living in Athens!


great fun and low key week.....enjoying the ever so slight chill in the air

Hebrews 10:35-36
 "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised." 

James 1:2-4
 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."



Thursday, August 16, 2012

Thrusday Thanksgivings


Samantha was very excited about putting her hair up
all by herself
This is BIG for her



Since Samantha got a part in the play
as a munchkin
thought it was only fitting to get her a box of them
Bo and Baylen were quite excited too
and I have say the baby even leaped for joy
when mommy sampled one...or two....
okay four


Superb day
Actutally got so much done
So I could just be with the kids this afternoon
Feeing tired and achy tonight
Baby really moving
Worked out hard
and can feel it
the kids got to go to daddy's office
which they thought was very neat
Love being settled into a schedule
busy week
but refreshing at the same time
looking forward to a weekend of pool and fun!

"If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone."
Romans 12:18

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Tuesday Treasures

Bay says it perfect
Crossed arms as if he is not quite sure if he is mad
just cool 
or insecure
Yet the little smurk on his face says
yeah
its all good
Tired tonight
Huge two days
Awesome days
Soccer evaluations tonight
Sam did great
signed Bo up for Karate
the YMCA rocks
Baylen tagged along to it all
Did have one of those days were things kept happening 
that made me feel not good enough
It is amazing that my devotion yesterday touched on that very thing!
It is just the devil working me over
I could not be happier
so squash on him
It is just hard when you focus on what you think you could do better
instead of realizing you are doing all that you can do 
the best you can do
Just hard when you put your heart and soul into something
and really try to give it your best
and it just is not good enough
or people just don't take it the right way
My kids, family good friends
are all that matter
and I know I make them happy
and they are the air I breathe
and when you put God on top of that
well
then that is just AWESOME
Had a great lunch with my momma today
birthday lunch
love love love that tradition
it was so good
the company more then the food
and the food was de-lish!
Enjoying the kids more and more each day
and the new phase we are in
love all the phases
love being a mom


Psalm 145:18
"The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." 

Monday, August 13, 2012

new adventures


So last night we went to the pool
and the kids spent most of their time picking muskadines from Nana's vines
Bo had the great idea to take some home to make juice
He recrutied Baylen to help, which Baylen loved
they were so fun to watch
Here we are once we got home
With the juicer
And yes
Bo loved it
he is ready to go pick some more tomorrow....
After the juice he said he was so healthy he was ready for a run
so we went out and ran
he is so funny to watch run
I think he fell over his feet atleast a dozen times
I can't talk
I have fallen quite often in my days too
I think I know where he gets his balance from




So proud of Samantha
She decided to audition for The Wizard of Oz
She went to take a shower before
and came out in her Dorthy dress
So sweet
I could not beleive it
She went right in
sang a solo
did a little dance
and hopped right out
She said she felt good about it
the confidence blew me away
not in a cocky sense
but in a way that she went after it
knowing that she did her best
and that she will be fine if she makes it or not
talking about how she thought there were some girls that did so good
but she felt she did just fine
Then it was off to Dora size four pjs
cookies and milk
and a book in bed
I just love my girl
just love her so much....


"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"
Romans 8:28

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Found some pictures I forgot to post from the beach last week.....
this one shows my daily life
Keeping Bo from hurting his sister
as she yells
Stop Bo
with a very southern drawl....

 And this is a classic Bo face....
 This is just minutes before Baylen decided to drop the floatie....he started swimming and amazed all around him!
 And my favorite...I look in the rearview mirror on the way home...and this is what I see. And yes, they handed me one and I joined the fun...whatever it takes right?
 Pop Pop's train cake for his birthday dinner.....
 Samantha worked so hard on his card...I was quite impressed!
Wonderful Saturday
Pancakes
Park and Zoo
Cleaned
Pool
Smooth and simple
now watching some Olympics as kids are watching a Disney movie
and Baylen is falling asleep with lovie, passy and blankie on daddy...
love the weekend


Thursday, August 9, 2012



Today was one of those days that was up and down
Great morning with Baylen
then Bo got on the wrong bus
so little hectic
then all was good
then a storm came
and it made the boys a little crazy
I found myself wanting to pull my hair out....
Between Piper trying to eat everything including us
Baylen wanting to be held every minute
and Bo jumping off couches wacking things and knocking cups of water on the floor
I had had it up to my nose
But I did breathe 
and remember how I would not like it any other way
Daddy walked in in the middle of it
and I remembered my scripture for the day


"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." 
 "Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." 
Ephesians 4:29,31

remembering that it is all good
and makes you enjoy the peaceful moments that much more...
And I was just thinking yesterday how smooth everything was
silly me
But really, if it was not like this
would we really be having fun?

Here is Baylen after his sweet hair cut
He is very proud
and loves for me to brush his hair
taking after his sister :)
He looks like a little man now.... 
and his face is not dirty
just little left over scabs from his fall at the beach...





This morning on the way to school Bo told me that when he got on the bus yesterday he was so excited to see his sister, but she said he could not sit with her because there was a boy and girl side. So he sat by himself. This broke my heart
seemed so sad to me
Then he told me that he was very nervous on the bus because it went way to fast
And then he got on the wrong bus today
I tell you what
between all of this
and the punching last year
rethinking Bo and Bus
might not go together....


Wednesday, August 8, 2012

First Day of school

Oh I am such a nerd, in a good way. And it looks like I have cloned myself. She may look like her dad, but she is me. I love the first day of school. Love it. Love a fresh start, love putting things on my calandar, the real kind, not one on a phone, but good ole spiral with a pencil. I love new markers and new books. Samantha does too, big time. She told me last night that she was more excited then Christmas, not I even thought that was taking it a bit too far. I have not seen her stop smiling since yesterday around 3:00.
Bo, well lets just say he did not come unglued. He actually did quite well. He did not skip in, but there were smiles. He was so excited that there was a potty in his room. Very cool. He checked it out first thing and thought it was very cool that you flipped the clip to red when you were in there and back to green when you were done. The little things right. He was very happy and I had to make myself leave, rather then him begging me to stay. It is a good thing, right? No tears or anxious hearts this am. I did ask Baylen on the way out...do you want to go to school with Pepper and Bo or go home with mommy? He layed his head on my shoulder...go with mommy. Ok, all is good....breathe
So...we headed to storytime. It was the best yet. Something about being with your toddler jumping for joy at the sight of a familiar song and finding a little paper mouse....made me smile. As I was feeling somersaults going on in my belly. It felt good to watch what I remembers Samantha doing as Bo was in my belly. Love to do this again....love it.
Baylen and I had a super morning....perfect
Excited to see my little first borns get off that bus in a few short hours, until then while it is naptime I will see what all can get done...

Devotion today came at a perfect time...When I was at the grocery store this am I could not believe how the lady infront of my yelled at the checkout lady because she did not give her her senior discount. She snatched, really snatched her receipt out of her hand and was fuming! The poor girl told her she could go to the customer service to get it and she repeated on and on how sorry she was. She looked like she was about to cry! What happened to a little grace. This made me so sad. I was so sad that this lady was so angry, but a sad way to be.
Then my devotion today was about having grace! Of course it was, because God always puts before us examples of His word if we are paying attention! It was about not getting angry and giving everyone the benifit of the doubt. The thing is a lot of times we do not show grace to those closes to us. Why do we give the ones we love the hardest time? The devil is just waiting for us to get angry and stay that way. He thrives on that....I will try to always think about how we should give a little grace period for those that make us angry. Hard to do, but will try....


"Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, 
and do not give the devil an opportunity." 
Ephesians 4:26-27 



 "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, 
so that you may know how to answer everyone."

Colossians 4:6 


"Be alert and of sober mind. 
Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." 
1 Peter 5:8,

Bo with Ms. Kelly meeting his teacher for first day of Kindergarten

Samantha with Mrs. Selleck meeting her teacher for first day of Fourth Grade

 Bo smiling only like Bo can...first day of school!

Samantha....thrilled beyond words..first day of school!

Saturday, August 4, 2012

What I love...well some of the things from the long list...

I love...
to hear Bo talking in the other room
acting out his action figures
or just talking to himself!
Sometimes he even sings
Bo is so full of energy
he gets in trouble alot for it
but he is either jumping off the walls
or hugging you telling you how
sus-sited he is about something...
he has so much passion
so much that the little vein in his neck pops out
he has quite the imagination
and makes me laugh on a hourly basis
He has such a sweet heart
he is a deep thinker
even though most people (myself included)
thinks he never thinks
the thing is
he does not have much common sense
and often 99.9 percent of the time has his pants on backwards
inside out
upside down
He is way beyond many with his kindness and genuine heart
he has a deep love of his dogs
and him family
he is a cuddler
Samantha has a new passion for brushing her hair
and I love that
I love that she is so passionate about it
I love that she is growing up and wants to do grown up things
like watch movies that she is really into
take long hot showers
help me out
brush her hair...a lot
brush my hair
stay up late with the big people
but at the same time
she loves to be little to
i love our relationship
Baylen
I love everything about you
But have to say your OCD has been hard to love latly
everything has to be just so
lined up and orderly
It is your way or the highway
with everything!
You order us all around
I have to say you wear the pants in the family right now!
Mom and I talked about how Bo will be a sloppy carefree dresser
and you Baylen,  will have you pants tucked into your shirt
hair combed
I will put money on it!
You will be in loafers and searsucker
with your sunglasses on a string
Bo
you will not be able to find your shoes
wearing your kakis on backwards with a t-shirt
and ask me where you sunglasses are
which will ironically be on your head
and Sam
will be trying to keep both of you in line
and who knows where this next one will be
But I have complete confidence
that he or she
will have a very special place in this crazy fun mix

I love going to Sandcastle and eating tons of pancakes with the kids in our special booth
 I love it when Bo wants to write and draw...and talk about heaven and Walker and says sweet things like he wants to be little when he goes to heaven so walker will recognize him
 I love going to the pool in the afternoons and watching the kids swim and swim and eat their little snacks that we packed...they get so excited about this...especially Baylen! I love getting them fresh and clean in their pj's before heading home. I love the cool breeze coming off the ocean and just relaxing with them. Helping Baylen jump in and Bo do flips
It reminds me of my memories as a child at Clearwater...I loved it so much
 I  love watching the kids in the waves for hours in the morning
they love it....

I could do this beach thing forever...
Sleeping in a comfy bed...swimming laps for a morning workout...going to the beach...taking walks, bikerides, resting during baylens nap,,, getting caught up on things, playing games with the kids, driving the golf cart to DQ for kids meals and slushies,going to the library, picking up she crab soup, playing on all the playgrounds on the island...going to the pool, eating yummy dinners that mom makes., being with family, watching tv  at night...and doing it over and over again....

"So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." Colossians 2:6