It's all about perspective

The kids got their first tardy for the year, it was my fault, they were not up when I got home from the gym...so 20 minutes just did not cut it to get out the door...and it set my day up for one thing after the next...but it is all about perspective...this day will soon pass and I will have learned from it and it will make me stronger.

NEGATIVE WAY TO LOOK AT IT versus POSITIVE WAY TO LOOK AT IT
Having to help my mother in law into my car and seeing her weak body and mind unravel ...

Getting to take my mother in law to go get her LAST radiation and watch her
get her diploma and tell me that she is
so blessed to have me

Having our dishwasher and washer break.....Having a amazing dad that took care of
it right away for me

Watching Bo tear the clean house up in 10 minutes flat
Having a son with so much energy and
creativity that he comes up with
all the things that he does

Getting in traffic and not being able to pick Samantha up on time which therefore made me miss our conference .....
Not being in a crash that causes the traffic

Watching your 17 month old pour a 32 oz bottle of gatorade on isle 8 of Walmart while deciding which kind of bread to get ....
Having a sweet lady next to me that said,
Oh sweetie, I have kids, I totally get it...
Reminding me that one day I will
miss things like that happening

Watching walker loose control of his bladder and being sad that this might be it...
Having the opportuinty to just sit with
him, with no distractions and just be
remembering all the good and not
the bad and sad

Again, it is all how you look at things...on those days that you feel you can't take anymore, you can...its all how you look at it. Tomorrow will be better, but today really was good. I got to be with my kids, see my dad, talk to my mom lots, see my sister, feel so much love from my mother in law, loved on Walker lots, let my kids know how much I love them, told them how proud I am of them, never once lost my temper, was patient, kind and gentle. Now that is a great day....now lets see what we can learn from tommorrow. Really my only concern is that I don't get to let everyone know how much they are loved, I think it, try to show it, I just want others to know how apriciated that are....I want others to know that it is not all about me, but about them....I want this blog to show others that we are in all of this together....My hope is that everyone always had someone elsese back, and lived life to better someones elses life and not just there own. Wow, if we all did that, it would be amazing. For now, I will focus on making sure everyone around me knows how much I love and appreciate them, I want to let them know, not just think it! Praying for Walker tonight...we need it to be a good day tomorrow...

Last day of Radiation

So this morning I picked up my mother in law for her last day of radiation. I brought her a muffin with a candle in it to celebrate, and we hugged as she made a wish. I have never felt so helpless. I wanted to make her well, but all I could do was wish with her. It is unbelievable to see someone that I have always thought was so strong and so sharp, be so helpless. It reminded me of how we need God each and every day. We are helpless without him. I do not look at this sickness as something God has done, but something that shows us how weak and not in control we really are. God is our strength. When we are down, he is what gives us peace. He does not do this to us, he is there for us through it. Helping her into the car, or I should say putting her into the car was such a humbling experience. Just 10 minutes before I put Walker into the car. Have I said lately how much I hate cancer. It is so evil. It is of this world and not the next, where we will all be cancer free and pain free. My mother in law said on the way, she was so glad she believed in the after life because she just did not know what she would do if she did not. It was so comforting to hear her speak of how much she loved Jesus and knew he died for her. She also said that she was tired and weak. I looked back in the back seat and Walker looked tired and weak too. He is having a rough day, sleeping by me as I type, not much energy today. He and Grammy are feeling the same. Next Thursday will be six months since Riley left me, well her physical body. I can't believe it. I miss her every minute. I know that hard times makes us strong, but I told God today, I feel strong enough and enough with the strength training, can't we take a break? I know that he has a plan and the plan is good. I just pray for him to always give me peace and strength to get through the hard times, and sanity not to go crazy in the journey. Slept on the couch with Walker last night, it was great!
Grammy brought out her mask that she used for radiation and said she wanted Bo to have it. I think it is amazing how she knows just what each grandchild wants and loves. Many things are hard for her to remember and know, but she knows her grandchildren. She is fighting for that memory. Continuing to learn something new everyday. When I get stressed I can't know it all and that there are a million things out there for me to learn and discover, I remind myself that God is placing before me exactly what is needed, right then, right there, at his discretion, not mine. Lets keep pressing....forward, and learning as we go...and praising for the good times!

Picture update

So I have been bad about not posting pictures...we have been up to a lot! First I have to say that Kevin left town today for five days, and it was my fear three months ago that Walker would not be here...but he is...and he is sleeping on the floor next to me. The kids are in bed, and now I can write about what we have been up to around here.....doing a lot of balanceing lately, but loving every minute of it...

Here is Samantha and I, after we made clothes pin dolls...super crafty and really fun....no frustration. It was a nice cool rainy day, and this was a fun thing to do with my sweet girl while Baylen napped, Bo was in Bo world and Walker was watching/napping on the floor beside us....
Speaking of crafty...Samantha has a new passion for fashion design.... she took old scraps and some double sided tape and made a dress....she actually made a few.....she loves it...she is really good at it too!

And Bo, Bo is an author...he is SOOOOO proud of himself. He came home with this book, that he stayed in from recess to do. He drew pictures and his teacher wrote the words....it was amazing. This is Bo who cried last year because he could not hold a pencil...now he says he is a writer! The story was about two kids that ran away to a witches house, and it had a begining, middle and end. He said, the lesson is, never run away from home, or this might happen to you! My favorite part was when he said the kids snored at night and they snored little o's into the sky! Love it!...

Here is Baylen last night giving me that look...you know...mommy I am way to cute for you to put me to bed...and yes, that is a pink Lovie....he loves his hand me down lovie...lovie number two...original lovie is back home safe with Samantha!

Here are Baylen and daddy watching the republican debate....he really was so into it....very funny to watch, it was like he was listening to what they were saying for when he voted...

Baylen went to Walker when I randomly said "Bay go give walker a kiss goodnight" He walked over to Walker and Walker gave him a kiss when he leaned over to him! I could not believe it!

Baylen returned to gesture....

So sweet...I love you buddy!

Earlier, I caught my three boys raiding the fridge.....

Bo said when he does this to Walker it made him look Happy!

Bo was very proud that he was sorting...just like he learned in school!

Baylen is very obsessed with the pantry...he brings me different things from it on a hourly basis...usually peanut butter and syrup....

It has been a great few days...everyone is healthy and enjoying the fall weather. We are blessed and having fun!

Mind

So today is a totally awesome Sunday!

We are cleaning out!

I figured, I am not able to control a lot around here, so I can control my house

Out with the yuck and all that is important stays

Walker is basking in the sunlight that is coming in through sams window as Bo plays with Moon Dough. I am paying sam five dollars to organize the art closet and I am trashing stuff like never before. This feels good...so good

Daily Delicious

So I think if I could have one day, just one, where I got up at 6:00 am...had no kids until 6:00 pm...I could get so much done in my house that I felt like I did not have a million little things to do everyday. The thing is, part of the list is laundry, dishes, floors, bathrooms, sheets, toys, clothes etc etc that get done that day but return the very next. I know that is just part of it, but it reminds me that we are never caught up in life. This is life. I think of my mother in law often battling cancer. I wonder how when you know you may not be here much longer how it changes your perspective. Like, does it really matter if you bathroom is clean, or if you gained five pounds, or if you got a really cute pair of jeans, or if you clipped enough coupons? I admire her so for not having that kind of thinking, she does care that she gained five pounds, that she got something on sale and that she likes how her wig looks. I tell you it is a daily struggle for me to be the mom that does the crafts, decorations etc...which takes up time, makes a mess...or the mom that does not do that, yet surly I would be more together and not feeling like I was always cleaning up. I know many say I have the rest of my life to clean...but really...I feel I am doing the bear minimum and some days I am swimming in laundry, dog hair, yogurt and juice spills and random food that Bo has stuffed somewhere that he did not like (aka the burrito I found in the pullout chair tonight...we had burritos last week) No wonder Walker had been sniffing there...Anyways...I know I am rambling on, but back to my first point..sometimes I feel if I could just take a day to catch up, really catch up then I could be caught up, even if it was just for a day. I realize more and more I really need to weed the clutter out of my house and me. Pick the stuff that really matters. I don't need all of this "junk". Why do I have 10 coffee mugs, 10 calandars, 10 coats, purses, brushes, on and on. I need to purge, in many areas. I need to purge my stuff...I need to purge the things in my life that I do not enjoy, or bring me down, I need to purge my worries, my plans...give those to God. I need to go through each room and figure out why do I have this, why am I holding on. I need to figure out what is most important picture wise, craft wise, food wise, book wise, movie wise, makeup wise, cleaners wise....wow!

I want to have time for the important things, the cuddles at night, the books before bed, the reading a book just for fun in bed before I turn out the lights. Right now it is what do I do to catch up...all the time....I often wonder how other moms do it....I just want to give my three kids and walker my all all the time...but sometimes I feel I string myself up....today I at a muffin and three cups of coffee, really that is not good. Need to be better, need to have a plan. I have been nursing dogs for four months now and it is taking its toll, I would not change it for the world, but on top of everything else, they are really pulling at my heart strings emotionally and physically. Walker was not able to use one of his back legs today. He is tired, but hanging on. I love him, I love how Bo is an author and he announced that to his class today, I love how Samantha told me today that I did the best job ever on her Halloween costume and then she wanted me to read a princess story tonight, I love how Baylen brought me a book to read and we did, and he snuggled, and it was awesome. I love how Walker was just there, and how he lays his head on a pillow like he is a person....I love my husband for juggling so many balls in the air at one time....I love my family for being close and stopping by and just being near and loving me and my family. God is so good....ahhh, to just let that soak in feels so good. Oh, and I love kids in pj's after a bath....love love it, almost as much as I love getting a baby out of a crib in the am with that sleepy look clinging onto a blanket.....

Forts

I have the most amazing kids...

Samantha was a bit grumpy this morning...she was huffing and puffing left and right. When she got home from school today she said "Mommy, I am so sorry I was mean this morning, I was just grumpy" Wow, that sure did take a lot to say. Who does that? Who just out of the blue admits they are wrong. She is so grown up and so kind hearted. She also worked very hard on her homework and her rock collection project. I was so proud of her. I wish I could let her know how proud I am of her...I love her attitude and her sillyness. She is so good with her brothers.

Bo, you are so excited about the Halloween party. You handed out invitations today at school. You said it was the best day ever. You have planned it, planned and planned some more. You talked about it all during dinner and I could just see the wheels turning in your head...I put you in a sweat suit today and you said, cool I look like a rapper! What?

Baylen, you have been cutting teeth and you have let me know it. I think you have cried most of the day, but you still make me happy. As frustrating as it can get, you still warm my heart. It rained all day and you looked so cozy in your sweat pants and sweat shirt. You seem to feel better today and slept better too! You look absolutly adorable in your pjs. I love footy pjs that have pants and a top that snap together. It makes you look like you have high pants and then your little gut hangs over. I love that you look so cozy and that you will be warm all night.

Walker, you slept a lot today. right now I am on the sofa, and you are on the sofa next to be. Your head is resting on my left leg. Yes, this was all your idea, I did not force it. I love to hear you breath in and out. Your legs are crossed and you are happy and I am happy. I love love cuddling with you at night!

Yes, it was a good day. I still can't beleive how fast the days go by. It rained all day, my favorite in moderation, I love feeling cozy in my own house with no where to go or feeling rushed. Love it. Love just bouncing from room to room playing, cleaning, cooking, and doing it again and again!

Hope tomorrow will be as great as today...

a little later

Started the morning giving Walker all his med's
A little later went with mother in law to pick out a wig since her hair would soon fall out
A little later gave walker some more meds
A little later took mother in law to have radiation treatment
A little later gave walker his final meds for the day

Even though this is not what I had planned, being surrounded by cancer, it is what is
It could be worse
It is hard
It is sad
It is worrysome
It is yuck
But it is
I wonder how I will not slip and fall and be down
I have to be strong for others right now
I want to cry sometimes, but I must trust
I must trust that God is not doing this to us,
But he is here with us, as we are going through this
This will make our faith stronger

it was a fun day
Lovie was found
Baylen learned some new words
Bo found the perfect pumpkin at the pumpkin patch
Dad kept the kids...what I good grandaddy...he makes me laugh
Good Good day...it is all about perspective