Sometimes I feel I have so much to say and my brain in on blog mode and I just can't get it out fast enough so here goes....
Sam...I am so proud of you. You have turned into quite the little lady. You seem to really be getting it now. You seem to know how you should behave you just choose if you want to or not. Most of the time you do, the only time you don't is when you are tired or hungry, and that is how I behave too. My dream for you is that I have taught you well, given you everything your heart desires, yet not so much that you are not grateful. I hope so much that the seeds we have planted take root, I can already see that many of them have. You try to teach your brother so much! You helped him with his "homework" yesterday and took so much pride in that. You in a very calm voice tell your brother that it is just not nice to yell at people. You got a letter to go into spectrum and you are very excited, we are so proud of how hard you work. I absolutely am in love with your silly personality, I say it so much but you are so spunky and I love it. You are a night owl and still are not requiring much sleep to function at all. You are so cute and even thought I don't want you to grow up, I look forward to outings with just us girls and I hope we will be super close like me and meme. Thank you for being such a good big sister to your brothers and an amazing daughter....
Bo, oh Bo. Lately you have had a little trouble with yelling. For some reason you yell about everything, and that little vein in your neck shows itself. I don't know what it is but you do not have a low volume knob, you are on or off. When you don't get what you want you get very frustrated and yell and grunt and charge. We have to work on that. You try to make deals with me like, "if you don't give me ice cream then I won't clean my room" Excuse me what? Or," If you don't let me stay up later then I am not going to brush my teeth". Buddy, we got to learn who calls the shots around here...You also can go from laughing to crying in about 2 seconds and then back. You have so much energy it blows my mind. Everything is very dramatic, when you want something you want it right then and if you don't get it, well, there will be you know what to pay. Mommy's goal this week in the parenting department is do work on this, well should I say, strong willed part of you. The thing is, deep inside is the sweetest cutest most passionate little boy I have ever seen. The thing is you put your whole heart into everything, like bugs, fish, pretending, Halloween and junk food, but we just have to work on being just as passionate about good manners and patience....
Bay Bay, you have grow so much this week. Just yesterday you said Ball, mommy, pointed at everything in the grocery store and said dahhh, learned to kiss, and walked around the church like a big boy. I realized today that I do not have a baby anymore I have a true toddler. I want you to stay the same, but daddy reminded me that I wanted that with Sam and Bo also, but look how they are now, and I want it again, each stage is fun, I just really like this one. I am going to give you a bottle, change your diaper and play silly pat a cake games as long as I can, I promise I will not feed you a bottle or make you wear a diaper to kindergarten. I say it all the time but you are so handsome and I I love every bit of you, which is a lot!
Walker, you are not getting in the car anymore or jumping up for a ball, but I am going to think positive and say that you are just having a tough couple of days from the trip, You are in your usual place on Sam's bed. You are still so happy and have some living to do.
I guess it is so true that if something is really worth something then it hurts to let it go....its like I feel when I leave the beach with my family, if I did not love them so much or have such a good time then it would not be that hard,
If I did not love being a mom so much to my three kiddos then it would be easy to watch them grow up,
If I did not love Riley so much, then I would not feel brokenhearted still when I think of her everyday,
If I did not feel so attached to Walker, then it would be easy for me to picture a day without him,
But, instead of being down and wishing for what I can't have, I instead am thankful for what I do have. I am thankful that I love deep and would not trade that so that I would not be sad sometimes. I would rather be a little sad to leave a family trip knowing it is better then not having the memories at all, and I can focus on the next one instead of longing for the one in the past.
Instead of missing Riley, I can let her still live right her with me
Instead of worrying and Walker I can live like he lives, carefree and faithful,
Instead of grieving my kids growing and changing and wondering if I have taking advantage of every moment with them and shown them how much I love them, I can look forward to the many adventures ahead and be confident that motherhood really never ends :)
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