Overwhelmed

Feeling a bit overwhelmed lately

And I don't know why

I love this time of year

But it causes my perfectionism to come out

I so try to overdo

I want five advent wreaths going

instead of just one

I want to make cookies 10 times

not just once,

I want to go to every Christmas parade

make every craft

let my kids watch every Christmas special

hit every sale

get everyone the perfect handmade gift

give the neatest teacher gifts

and the list goes

on

and

on

and on

And in the meantime

this jars my Obessive nature

that while I am at it

I want the house

the kids

me

to be perfect too

Where do you draw the line in

a clean house

and a mom that goes nuts

trying to keep the house clean

in a mom that wants to do it all

but if we do it all

mommy gets a little moody

why is it that my laundry is always piled up

that there is always old things in the fridge

even though I thought I bought

a perfect amount

why am I always cleaning out my car

redoing my workout plans

Making new checklist

updating pictures

deleting emails

taking new magazines

mopping floors

I know I know

because that is life

Sometimes I just feel

though this blog is called

Brodrick Balance

I have none lately

I walk that thin line

I feel that at night when all the kids are settled

and Kevin walks in

I want to greet him with a huge smile

hug

and all the energy that I had at noon

but I am zapped

He deserves more

I wish I could be 100 percent

all day

for everyone

all the time

How do you balance

I know we are not to really know

I just want to go with the flow sometimes

when sometimes I feel

I am in a wad

Going from one thing to the next

and then next

I have all these great plans...

Up at 6:00

workout

morning routine run smoothly

get all chores done

so Baylen and I can just play

Have everything done

so the kids and I can

just play

Relaxed for tea at 4:00

But

someday's

most days

I don't shower

I did not brush my teeth

I did not drink my tea

or drink water

or maybe even eat

I am not complaining here

I am just wondering

Do I create work for myself

Do I try to make things too perfect

the thing is

I get ideas from others

they seem to do it

and do it well

Just don't know

I know I need to breath

Pray

and give it up

Do all I can do

that day

I just regret the most

when I seem short with my kids

and get the slite bit annoyed

when there is pulling at my pants

demands for more milk

or one more bin of toys dumped

I know I will look back and want it all back

when it is gone

But how do you stay in the moment

enjoy each moment

when every moment

is doing for someone else

Again

I walk a fine line

of knowing when I am selfish

and when I am selfless

I will pray

Just pray

I will be a peace with the answer I know

Until then

I will try each day

to enjoy every moment

Have fun

And when its not fun

I won't do it

I love my kids

I love my husband

I love my dogs

I love my family

I want them to know it

and I want to show it

everyday

the rest is just icing on the cake

Which by the way

when I eat icing

I feel guilty

Working through this slump I'm in

know it is a phase

Working through this season

Knowing that spring is on its way...