Ahh Haa Moment

Just got back from the beach with walker at 7:00 am. Wow. Nice walk, coffee in hand, nobody on the beach. Low tide, sun shining on the water, not hot at all. Walker seemed to limp, so we sat. Sat and watched the waves come in and out. Had a talk with Walker. Told him he better let me know he is still with me when he gets to heaven. I told him that he would have so much fun with Riley. Just then a lady bug crawled up, on the beach really? Decided that lady bugs were Riley paying a visit. I realized that life is really so simple. Just enjoy, pray, enjoy, think of others, pray and enjoy. I have decided that devotions can come in so many forms. Can't beat the beach in the morning with a cup of coffee, your dogs and God. Man oh man I love it.

Daily Delicious

Wow! So much to say. Today was one of those most perfect days. We got to the beach yesterday and we went straight to the pool. It is amazing to get to the beach house and be in the golf cart Kids and all in under an hour later..I love this place. I love the pool by the ocean. You feel like you are on the beach, you can see the waves and the sand, but you are not hot and not sandy! Baylen absolutly LOVED the pool. He had so much fun splashing in the water. He went down the slide with Kevin and was smiling ear to ear, he toddled around and around and just seemed so happy and proud to be like his big brother and sister! We left the pool to ride the golf card to get a pizza and movie from the redbox and all watched Diaries of a Whimpy Kid together, so fun! Today I started my day with a cup of coffee and a walk on the beach with walker. It was soooo amazing. I loved it, so peaceful, meditative and zin time. It was precious and perfect. I can always remember his smiling face. Riley was there with us too, I just know it. When we got back it was a family trip to the grocery store, which I always love because it is something we never do at home together. The kids love simple things like picking out there snack for the beach and juice boxes! Whoo Hoo, big times! Baylen was proud of the cheese its that he picked! We went to the beach and had so much fun. IT was fun to watch all three kids and walker just play, they were all happy, content and just awesome. Bo and Sam love to surf the waves and play in the water and Baylen loved to dig in the sand with his shovel and scoop sand into a bucket, Walker just took it all in and was just at peace. It is amazing how hours can go by at the beach. We came in for rest time and played games. This afteroon we all went to the pier to fish, Bo loved it so much! He fished for hours and did not want to stop. Sam and I played with Baylen on the sand and got real dirty while the boys were waist deep fishing, loved this sight! Perfectness. We walked up to the pool, cooled off, showered and rode back with the kids all bathed and clean and tired! Off to red box again, kids got a yummy homemade meal of the beach staple chicken nuggets, fruit veggie and milk and daddy and I enjoyed a bowl of she crab soup! Love nights at the beach house, like I always say can't figure out what My favorite part of the day is, morning walks and coffee, beach time, rest time watching gunsmoke and playing games, pool time, bike rides, nighttime, sleeptime in a cozy bed,,,,its all good! Thank you God for my many blessings and the simple things in life, please keep them coming and allow my to always focus on what I do have rather then being stuck on what I don't have. All that really matters is having eachother, and when we are not togehter we still have eachother in our hearts. Help me to never have regrets and always enjoy them moment instead of wishing I had the past back or worring about the future....Good night

Daily Delicious

I love how Bo talks with such passion. When he tries to get his words out it is like it is taking every bit of energy to say them. Amazing. Today when I asked Baylen where Walker was he looked right at him, this is the first doggie/person that he has looked at when asked where they are...priceless.

Daily Delicious

Bo was so funny today. He walked up to me like a Robot and said, "Push and I will tell you answer" I had to push him and he would tell me random things. Baylen learned today how to shake his head and thought it was hilarious. I went to Jittery Joes today and Walker hopped in the car in the front and hung his head out, it was delightful. He seems so happy. Poor buddy has no idea what is going on. I had so much fun doing bead crafts with Sam today in the playhouse. It has carpet now and the breeze that comes through is amazing. I know it is Riley passing through, love it! Bo is so all over the place. He has an on and off button and no inbetween. He enters a room with such energy. The cops paid us a visit today due to him pushing the panic button on the alarm, I could not believe it when they showed up! He learned his lesson, they gave him a pretty big lecture. This will be a story for the rehearsal dinner. They did not buy my story about not picking up Baylen due to my hernia surgery and that is why I shut my screaming kids in the house. Wow. All I can say is wow. All is well, Phoebe is over to spent the night with Sam, Baylen is sound asleep, daddy is working late and Bo Walker and I are about to cuddle in our bed with a book. Good night!

little behind

Have not written in about two weeks. I have not know what really to say. I have had so many blessings and so much hurt. With Riley leaving, Walker getting sick and surgery this has been a rough summer. I have so many blessings. There is so many things to be thankful for. I have learned so much these few weeks about myself. I plan to continue writing for my book, but also blog about what is going on. This is therapy for me.

What I am sad about... What I should think about instead
That Riley is gone Riley is still here in my heart and watching me
Walker is sick Walker is still here and I will enjoy every minute with him
I can't do like I would like to
since I had surgery I can spend more times on important things and it will pass


I am so thankful for parents and inlaws that are so willing to help me, sisters that listen to me cry, a husband that is my rock, a daughter that makes me laugh and is so real, a son that enters the room with so much energy, two dogs that taught me all I really need to know in life, a son that is the cuteset thing I ever saw and makes my heart sing!

Sam I love how you are so matter of fact and you have been so helpful to me these past few weeks. You have such dry humor and you have such the personality. You are sassy, yet kind, yet sweet, yet firy. You know what you want. You had so much fun today picking out school supplies. It was so much fun!

Bo, I love watching you just eat your frosted flakes today. I love how you are so excited to tell me things. I love how you look when you come up from air in the swimming pool. You were so much fun at the beach playing games at the King and Prince pool. You have so much energy yet so kind at heart. I love you so much and your personality

Bay, I love that you are walking and look like my little toddler. I love you and your big legs and hips. You are so sweet, loving and I love your laugh.

Riley and Walker Love

So I am so sad that we have lost Riley and are the verge of Losing Walker. As I wake up in the middle of the night or get sad during the day I have to think about what I have in my life that I love deeply. It is hard when we get bogged down on what we miss and miss what is around us. I loved and still love Riley so much. I love Walker and can't imagine him not being here. I have to also remember that even though this hurts so bad, it was worth it. If I did not have them then I would not hurt so bad, yet I would not have learned as much as I have from them. They also had wonderful lives here. I also have Sam, Bo and Baylen and a wonderful husband. My parents and sisters are amazing also.

What Riley taught me: that you need to let the people you love know you love them, you never know when you won't see them again. Make sure you do the things that matter most and don't get too bogged down on what does not really matter. Know that it was the little things in life that matter. It was the day to day actions that let other know they are loved.

Walker taught and teaches me: You can not worry about tomorrw, just enjoy today. We can't be in control. We can not worry about what the future holds. We need to enjoy the moment that we have right in front of us right then! Don't be sad thinking about what might be, be happy with what you have right at that moment.

What I love about Walker: he loves tennis balls, sitting in the front yard with his tongue hanging out.

Feeling Hot Hot Hot

Another hot one in A-town in July! I love living in the South! Went on a hay ride on a big john deer tractor last night with the kids and hubby, ah yeah, only is the south do you go on har rides being pulled by a tractor and a warm July night! Today we had a great time at the pool, it is so hot that is the place to be! Awesome Saturday with nowhere to go! My favorite!
Samantha we had a blast making sock puppets today during Baylens nap. You had be put pipe cleaners in your hair to make it stand out, hilarious! Bo, I loved watching you today watch things, you are so curious and I just love your little five year old face with your missing tooth. Baylen, I tell you what boy, you are a heart breaker! You want to talk so bad...your hair is still so blonde and you have the sweetest face in the world, with a big old booty, wow! Good thing you are not a girl or all those cute clothes would not be fittn' ya!

June Pictures

Swim Meet fun!

Riley's garden

Riley's garden in the works....

Riley you hated it when I sneezed

You loved to beg for food

You loved pancakes, and peanut butter sandwhiches

Just heard the pitter padder of fit come in, I could always tell between riley and walkers but this time it sounded like rileys, maybe she is walking through walker.

She would walk walk then fall to the ground with a loud thud and let out a sigh. 

June Pictures

Samantha built a really cool lego tower

Bo had a mow hawk just for a day, which he broke his nose, so it was not a good thing....This is crazy Bo!

Walker just hanging waiting for someone to throw him his ball

Some June Pictures

Bo and Baylen having fun in the yard

Samantha enjoying her new zip line

Breakfast in bed for daddy on fathers day!

Random kinda gross

Baylen has smiling eyes. When I look back at him in his car seat he always has the sweetest look on his face and it is as if his eyes are smiling. On a completly other note...I did a first this morning that I yet have done....cleaned a pirate figure after Bo thought it would be just so funny to stick his pirate in Baylens diaper, yet came up with a surprise and it was not a good treasure, argh! I don't know who was more upset, mommy having to clean it, Baylen feeling violated or Bo having to throw his pirate away...or maybe the pirate felt the worse...

Busy Busy Busy

I feel I am so busy, but don't want to be. Sometimes we go go go and I want to be more like Bo and just pick up sticks, grass and rocks and just look at them with wonder. Can't we all be more like Bo? Day's go way to fast these days. I feel like it is always morning time, getting Baylen out of his crib while he hands me everything in it. It is always time for coffee and breakfast for the kids in pj's. It is always time for hang out time just going through the house doing random things. It is always lunch time, nap time, snack time, and then dinner time. Time to sing our dinner prayer, clean up dishes and rooms, go outside for icecream cones and catching lightning bugs, bath or pool time, reading and lights out. My point is the cycle goes on and on and I feel it is like spinning and I want to slow it down. Is it possible I have a eight, five and one year old? Is it possible that Riley is gone from this earth when I was just bringing her home? Is it possible that Walker is ten and I have been married almost 12 years? Is it possible that my little sister is about to have a baby? The second I start to get worked up about something, as if Satan is saying, come on, you should be stressed or worried about this, God gives me a wake up call and says, no, no no, just be. Just let me take the reins and lead on, you just enjoy. I get thinking and obsessing about the little things and then I remember that I am just a little speck in this world. I think of doctors, leaders and friends that are sick have way more on the line then I do...is this craft good enough, is this fitness routine perfect enough, is this dinner healthy enough, am I a good mommy, wife, daughter, friend, sister? I realize that I do the best I can do, and I know that as long as I am enjoying what I am doing, letting God lead the way and always putting others first then I will be just fine....