To gain life we must loose it and when we lose it we gain it...

Warm and cozy after a bath

Piper trying to help samantha on her speech
samanthas soccer tryouts number
one of our many days at barrow this week....I love that school....
bo LOVES the wii after bath in mickey mouse pjs before bed....

baylen loves to help with the laundry
baylen but on sams shin guards and soccer cleats all by himself....
samantha after her speech

I know I changed the wording on this scripture

but I have always liked it

and it applies so much in my life right now

We want to control so much

but really

we gain so much

when we let go

we think when we let go

we are losing

but really

we are gaining

life

with trust

there is such a difference in trust and belief

I have belief in a lot of things

I have belief in God

I have belief in the things right in front of me

But trust

that is a whole different story

to trust is so hard

we believe so much

that is easy

especially for me

since I am so gullible

but I struggle with trust

when we don't trust

we tend to worry

and question

and that gets us into trouble

when we don't trust

we really don't give our lives up

and lose it

we hold on

and therefor

we really do not gain

we lose

because we

try to control

way to much

So I officially

decided today

that I would lose my life

which is ironic

since at the same time I feel like I am losing control

I thought it would be better

to do that

then the latter

So no

I am not losing control

I am losing my life

and this is awesome

because it is not mine

to have

I am living it

but not controlling it

I will roll with the punches

knowing that it could be worse

and really it is good

and when I feel I am at my tipping point

I remind myself

that I really would not have it any other way

I will admit

sometimes

a lot of times

it is way more hectic

then I would like

But

I am going to stop telling myself

like I do every week

that next week won't be like this

I have finding that it is

and instead of tricking myself

in to believing that next week it will slow down

I will except that it wont

and that is okay

because it forces me

to stay in the moment

no time to dwell

or doubt

of over think

So just because when Baylen finally goes back to sleep at four am

is when Piper gets up for an hour

and then she settles

when Bay is up again

that is okay

it is okay that it does not fit perfectly

into this perfect

schedule

my schedule

I can have a blue print

of what I would like to happen

that is good

to have a plan

but when the plan does not work

it is okay to throw it out the window

and not freak

I feel

it I just allow 30 minutes when I feel like I only need 10

and by three boxes of clorox wipes

when I think I only need one

and know

that the only thing that really is certain in my day is

that God loves me and is with me

and that it most defiantly

will not

go as I had planned it

It has been a fun week

Soccer tryouts

Choral festivals

puppy adoptions

Race directions

Speech contest

Fitness Classes

tons of cleaning

long distances calls to husband

lots of cleaning

cooking

take out (which I will not feel guilty about)

lots of coffee

no me time

a few showers (I think)

vet appointments

lunch with kids

meeting with kids classes

Art contests

volunteer work

bible studies

bible school meetings

Gym dog meets with three kids

and only on powerade

(big mistake)

laundry

lots of it

cleaning out car

cleaning up paint

and shoes

and so much more then I will mention here

Yes, this is life

this is what it is all about

so no

I will not be ok when this pace slows

it is my job to keep up with it

and I have a feeling

when I do just let go

and let god

I will be surprised

how my anxious attitude

my dwindle

and I will be able

to take a load off

few a few seconds at least I hope...