Layer By Layer

I feel like I am like one of those yummy biscuits

that my mom use to make

that you peel off layer

by layer

and the layers keep coming off

and right when you think you got the last one

there is still more

You think the first layer is good

and then you find that the next is a little different

it gets better

and better

each layer

Well

that is how I feel

I spent most of my day

watching home videos with my kids

It was hard to watch

I miss it

I miss the kids little

time goes way to fast

way to fast

I want all of that back

but

something that I did notice

is that I feel like I am a far better mom

then I was

in the videos

when I was barely a mom

I feel like many layers have been pulled away

unveiling me

the true me

that God wants me to be

I feel like He is working so hard

to get down to the true me

I feel like I have been peeled away a bit

and each layer

the real me

is discovered even more

Each experience

each situation

has taken away

yet revealed

so much

I feel like each new event

I am able

to feel more comfortable

in my own skin

and just not try to make everyone think one thing

but actually be

what I need to be

at that moment

It is amazing

how a new outlook

a real outlook

has made a world of difference

Sam and I had a great date today...

at the gym meet

she said she wished she was still little

I told her I know what she means

I know her heart

I feel the same thing

I told her that if you look at what you do have

it far outweighs

what we don't have

and even though it is easy to mourn the past

we must enjoy our moment now

and look forward to the fun ahead

Sam sat in the rain

in the dark

with an umbrella

in Riley and Walkers garden tonight

and cried

really cried

It was her first real cry

since they have gone

She said she missed her first best friends

it broke my heart

we had a hard time tonight

missing what we did not have anymore

but

now we are sitting in the den

with the windows open

listening to the rain

eating popcorn and chocolate kisses

watching a movie

and for the first time

Piper is laying in between us

on her back

on the sofa

Walker style

and it feels good

She asked me if I could always hold her like a baby

I told her it would make my day

and just as she was wishing it was only her

her brothers made her laugh

and then Aunt Ann called

and said she found Samantha some

pink

loud

sparkly boots

at the consignment shop that Grammy always went to

she got them

for her

and said that she was going to continue

to get Samantha clothes

just like Grammy would...

and that sweet smile came through

and we were good

for the moment

enjoying tonight

and not thinking to much about tomorrow

one day at a time

what a gift