Monday Memories

So here is a picture of the kids eating

grilled cheese

pickles

and applesauce

It is all I have been able to make

they do not seem bothered

I think they kinda like it

 six months to go

and Bo pulled out some halloween today

he set up a halloween store and this is how he greeted us

I was a tad jelous

Kevin came home and took samantha away to a golf clinic

I was home with the boys all day

a very fussy Baylen

and a Bo that was soooo

excited about being out of school

only saw Samantha for thirty minutes

and then she was gone

she had a lot of fun

I can't talk about this much

or I will get sad

A dog from next door

not Pipers friend Tucker

but another dog

dug up riley and walkers garden

I was very very very sad

Kevin went to Lowes and spent all afternoon yesterday fixing it

he made a heart with flowers

it is soooo

perfect

Samanthas invitation to her family party this Friday night

Samanthas cake for her slumber party

each girl is represented...she even told me the right hair color

Here is Samantha, Mally, Madison, Natalie, Cate and Savannah

baylens invitations for his party tomorrow

IceCream and Melmo!

 Bo's last day of school celebration

here he is singing with his best friend Porter

It was such a sweet performance!

 Bo and Mrs. Kelly

Amazing teacher

amazing year

last time you will see old Barrow in the background

Samantha set up a store of her dress ups for her friends to put on

when then got their hair and make up done

So sweet she put her princess dresses out

absolutly love this

 Sweet goody bags

lip gloss, stickers and polish

 Samantha spent hours gettting it exactly right

Setting up last minute stuff before we headed to Spring Fling to meet her friends

 Love Love this schedule that Samantha wrote out

did not stay on it

but all got done

 Look at this sweet face

 bo is the snow cone line

getting a snow cone for he and baylen

he loved getting tickets and doing things

he so loved it

bo's first spring fling at barrow

being a barrow buddy

 Sam helping baylen during the cake walk

 Nothing like having a cool highschool girl do your nails in a wedding dress

oh, with left over paint under you eyes like a football player

Name fits perfect

Dressy "Samantha"

Sporty "Sam"

Always do a pic on the porch...need to post her first one when she was five

 Making pizza

 they were pretty creative

Making cool flip flops

 Sam being silly with her calzone

 Bo laughed so hard watching the girls it was so funny to watch he amd baylen at the party
they really were so good

I have to say

I feel bad

I feel like my tiredness

and nausea took a toll on my patience today

I was awesome until about 5:00

and then I was done

I know that having Baylen pulling on me all day sayin moma

ba ba

moma on and on

I should treasure

But

not being able to eat and being soooooo tired

it just made me frustrated a bit

Samantha caught on and said

mommy

do you need some time

I can keep Baylen

was it that obvious

yikes

feeling bad

but know that this was a way for me to talk to sam

that sometimes mommies can get annoyed too

I think I was the only one really bothered by my behaviour

Had a great day with Bo

We played games

lots of games

shopped for baylen

It is such a treasure to have him at home

I just wish I could have special time with each of them alone

everyday

Can't believe Baylen turns two tommorrow

and Sam 9 on Friday

good thing I am starting over yet again

even though all I can eat right now is a

Waffle House Waffle

chick pot pie

salty potato chip

or sour candy

this too shall pass

feeling blessed

that I feel sick

becasue that means new life

is growing...

Control

Control

we really have none

the only thing I really can control

the temperature I set the house at

what I buy at the grocery store

What I choose to do for exercise for the day

Where I drive my car or do with my day

But as I right that short list I think

the heater could go out

and my car could break down on the way to the store

or my kids could have a melt down and we do not go where we had planned

or I could feel sick or get injured and not be able to workout

so

really I don't even have control over what I think I have control over

I don't even have control over my kids

I can think I do

and I can try to

but they can choose to rebel

run away

or cry

or better

mind

which they usually do

but still

not my control

Why do I still try to have the control

Why do I still focus on what I can do nothing about

instead of just cruising and trusting

the concept seems so simple

so nice

so freeing

but to get that peace

is so hard

I tell you what is easy

to look at others and think their problems are so silly

to watch others do exaclty what I do

yet they seem so pety

Why is it that my issues seem real

and others not so much

How can I read the scripture

teach the word

want so badly to live it

but I struggle

I know

I know

becuase being a christian is not easy

it is an uphill climb

it is in our trials that we lean on our faith the most

we just don't see it until afterwards

I think I am hypersensitive right now

A year ago riley was at the vet

it was a night just like this

It really will be this Saturday night

but it was a Thursday night last year

I feel like I am closing in on the first year that started all of my losses

Kevin told me tonight

you know we have hard times all of our lives

times we really loose control

I could not control losing a baby a few months into our marriage

I could not control it taking four long years to get my sweet Samantha

but it is easy to look back and understand

that she was worth the wait

and I think thank goodness I did not have control

or I would not have her

I could not control that I lost her twin

I could not control that We got Bo

kinda a surprise

did not think it was possible without help

but he came on his time

and again

not in control

yet so grateful

Baylen too...

thought why is a few months going by

no baby

and then now...

yes

yet again

so glad I was not in control

Jobs changed

freaked out

now see

all good

the list goes on and on

on situations that you feel are hopeless

and you are out of control

yet you see the silver lining

that it was better that you were not

Kevins point was

our past year has been hard

because we have been slapped pretty hard with out of our control

riley

Walker

Grammy

and

still have not seen a silver lining

Three things have happend

not in our control

and yet

still waiting for that

oh

okay

all is good

I know that our family is closer

and that I don't let the little things get to me

but still

it has caused me to be in a bit of a panic

wondering if the loss will continue

I know it was just a season

I know

but it is hard to trust

that it is okay for things to be okay

and even if they are not

they are

I treasure my three children more then ever

they three are the three miracles in my life

God blessed me so much

I get sad when I don't spend every single moment thinking and remembering

every little thing about how great the are

I know it

but I don't ever want to forget what miracles they are

really

I want to be free

and just enjoy

I say it all the time

but I want to do it with out thinking

never being sad that time seems to fly

but insead looking forward to what is to come

instead of being stuck in the what if

oh no

did I do

world

I guess I am being tested yet again

I know I am

I am determined to pass this test

I will let go

I will gain peace

it is a journey

good thing I am a distance runner

wishing lately that I was a sprinter

ready for this journey is be over

so I can enjoy the moment

Wednesday Wonderful part two

I have to say I had one of those days

that God was so at work

It was one of those days where things were going one way

and then bam

another

and them back to the original way

then bam

then back

and ended it with a bible study

which brought it all back into perspective

So what I mean is...

it was really calm this afternoon

I even took a walk in the perfect weather

pushing Baylen

and walking Piper

both were so perfect

even if we passed many dogs

and Baylen dropped his snack a few minutes out

they were perfect

When I got home

things were still calm

all the chores were done

no the kids did not do them

I had gotten the done earlier

Anyway

I pulled out a game

the three kids and I sat on the floor

and played games

Piper did not even try to attack

not once

It was perfect

We needed to go to choir in twenty minutes

no big deal

Until

Sam could not find her shoe

Baylen had a dirty diaper

and Bo had a BIG problem with having to go the church

Lets just say

things turned a little less calm

we did get in the car

and I listened to three kids

fight the whole way

I mean the whole way

When we got there

Baylen did one of his go limp moves

and would not walk

So I carried him

while trying to keep Bo from running into the street

with Samantha yelling at me

come on mom

I don't want to be late

But I felt something wet on my side

No it was not baylen

But the black beans

that were leaking from my bag

from the picnic dinner that I had packed for after choir

I could hear someone on my phone saying

Katy are you there

I guess something in my bag answered the phone

all I could say is

no I am not here

I don't know where I am

So

Sam went on

and I took the boys to a nursery

which did not go well

and while my heart was breaking walking down the hall

and a million reasons why I should not be walking away from my crying baby

I walked into the sanctuary

to sit next to me first born

and go right into singing a song about mothers

and how they make the kids who they are

My heart felt better

circling me right back from calm

to crazy

back to calm

I took a deep breath

and thanked God for the crazy

because It made me appreciate the calm that much more

Things were fine when I picked the boys up

they were so fine

I headed to bible study

and it was amazing

We continued from the book Fearless

which is so great

We talked tongiht about the many seasons we go through in life

We don't seem to fret when we go from summer to fall

from fall to winter

and winter to spring

It is change

but for some reason we don't freak out

it is because we know it is coming

the thing is life is the same way

God never told us that we would not have different seasons of life

He just told us that he would be there with us during the change

While everything around us changes

He stays the same

We focused on Ecc. verses about there is a time for everything

It was so neat to go word for word

really seeing how we will go through each of these seasons

birth and death

sow and harvest

grief and dance

the list goes on and on

We will not always be in winter

even though it may feel that way

just like when we are in summer

we should enjoy and not fret over the coming winter

but know that when it comes

we will see it though

and be okay

and know the warmth will come again

It is from the seasons of change

and the hardships we go through

that make us who we are

We talked of a seed

how a seed is part of a fruit

and when the fruit is cut

the seed dies

It is a dead seed

yet when you plant the seed

it produces new life

this is amazing

something we don't think about each day

but this is so profound

right before our eyes

we have death

that turns to life

just like when Jesus died

and came to life

just like when we are dead and feel so low

we come back

and have joy again

and just like we will never die

we will live forever

So all in all

it showed me just like the seasons

sometimes we may think we are in one

but we can quickly go into another

just like somethimes its 40 in april and 70 in December

not all change we see coming

all we can do is pray for peace

and just let it happen

and know

that there is a time for everything

change is good

its all how you look at it

wednesday Wonderful

Some things I want to always remember

Bo coming to our bed every night around 2:00 am

Baylen patting his hand on the seat next to him meaning for me to sit there

Samantha letting me cuddle her as we talk about a million things

Watching Bo act out his action figures and be so creative

Baylen wanting to work puzzles

Samantha loving to be busy doing something all the time

Baylen still wanting a Ba Ba

Bo always putting his pants on backwards,

always holding a stick in hand

talking to someone or someting even if it is not there

the faces he makes

his hugs

Samantha's displeasure in cleaning up

Baylens sweet tooth

If I could only capture the memories in a bottle

and keep them forever

It is finally not cold and windy

it is amazing how cold and windy can bring your mood down

I love hot and breezy...

ready for some outside play

Went to go to Party City to get birthday plates and balloon for Sam

We always do this for birthdays

half way out there I was sensing that Sam was not that excited

I asked her

Do you want a balloon and plates

She said, umm

not really

WOW

Hit me like a truck

First blow to the heart of growing up

Siren went off

Whoo WHoo Whoo

What....not birthday plates and big balloon

I guess she is nine

don't worry

I did not behave the way I felt

I gripped the steering wheel tight and said

Oh, that is so fine sweety

We never have to get something that you don't want to

thank you for telling me

So we whipped into target to look for elmo toys for Baylen for his birthday

thank the lord I still have little ones

I pray for moms with only one

If that was me

go ahead an put me into an institution

I would loose it

Feeling pretty pumped about elmo party plates and a huge melmo balloon!



Monday Memories

Here is Samantha with one of her great ideas

Thank girl is so creative

I look forward to years to come and what she ends up doing...

For her slumber party she wants me and her me me to do everyones hair

So

She wanted me to style it a variety of ways and take pictures

So then there can be a slide show that everyone can pick from

Here is one of eight styles

Love that Baylen and Bo play so well together while I am getting dinner ready

Well, atlest right here they are....

Love the little parade of animals that Baylen has done

Bo said

This is so much better then watching tv because my brain does not turn to jello

Three more of Samantha's creations for her invites...
Choir Program...Bo sang his little heart out
He wanted cookies at the end

Sam getting an award for going to atlanta and singing with a group at the choral festival

Daddy and Piper after the Doggie Dash

She ran in honor of Walker...fighting for a cure for cancer

So proud of her

The only dog that beat her was name Riley

pretty amazing....and that dog Riley

was born the same week Riely passed away last year....

Start of the race

Baylen saw that Bo had a stick

so he got one too

the biggest one out there

He was even making the same sounds that Bo makes

I love this picuture

look at Baylens face

One of my favorites of him!

Got rid of the stick right after this shot

I think you can tell what he is about to do

After the doggie dash we went to an art festival

Here are the kids making fun things from HomeDepot

Baylen is doing his own thing in the back ground

The library had a birthday party

the cake was yummy

Bert thought so too

Baylen carries Bert most places

Here are the kids reactions after I tried to take them into the storytelling room

for a music jam

Sam: "Really mom, no, really?"

Bo: "Ah, I am so not going in there..do you think we are babies?"

I was rolling I was laughing SO hard....

Here come the tears

Samantha and her friend Savanaha before their first dance

Barrow Elementary Dance for Relay for Life

Sam was dancing for grammy and walker

She looks SOOO pretty here

I know I am partial,

but really

she is precious

When I picked her up she said it was the most fun she had had in her LIFE

she was so red...

Sam brought home ramsey the ram from shcool

She loved to pose her

Field Trip to the fire station with Bo's class

There actually was a real fire

Great trip

I loved being with Bo

Treasure the times when your kids want you on a field trip

Down time with Piper

Enjoying some cake

Here is what can happen in five seconds...

Clean room...walk out

crash

walk in

yes

wow!

Samantha's tickets that she has earned

She never wants to spend them

I love this system that we have been using

The kids get a ticket at the end of the day if they do all of their chores

they owe me a ticket if they do not

They also earn tickets for doing extra work or beign extra good

they can also loose them for not so good behavior

Then

They can use the tickets to have friends over...go to special places etc

Each ticket also is valued at 50 cents so they can add them up to buy things

Working for a while now

Pretty cool you can go to Lego.com and get patterns to make cook stuff with lego's

Here is my clown...the kids were kinda impressed

Many Blessings

Many Many Blessings
To many to count

that is why I just tell God

thank you

through out the day

all day

We just journey together

It is quite a journey

and I am finding how much better it is

when you let Him drive

instead of fighting for the wheel

I may not like or agree with the road we are one

But Everytime I look back at the trip

I get it

and apprecaite it

and know that we must keep moving forward

and smile