odd

Do you see something odd here????? Yes, this is the kind of day it has been, after almost giving up on the remote, I go to start the dishwasher to find, ahh, Baylen found a great place for it...

I have found today that I usually have one of two kinds of days....super busy or busy. I find that if I have nothing going on it kinda drives me crazy so I almost create work. Not that I make it up, but I find something that needs to be done and get doing it, usually to find I get pretty deep into it and find myself at the end of the day scurrying around to get the simple things done. Or, I have a day full of things that there is not enough time in the day to get them done. I often wonder why I can't seem to find that happy medium. I am either rushed, or really rushed. I still can't figure out why this is. I often feel like I do many things like 80% and nothing 100%. As much as I talk about being positive, I so often dwell on how bad I do things instead of what I do well. Baylen and I went to story time today at the library and it was so special. I watched him watch the lady and he was so into it. I have missed the feeling of a little one sitting in my lap and not wanting to get up and go. He actually clung to me when we got there, as if I was going to leave him, and he was very excited to know that I was indeed staying. I long to always remember how it feels for your toddler to sit in your lap and just be so content. They are so small and so wanting to just observe. He loved it, he dances, shook instruments and just loved it. Then we picked out books for Sam and Bo and then went to the grocery store. I always want to have one that wants to crawl out of the cart for you to hold. But of course, instead of enjoying, I find myself coming down on myself like, why don't we do this more often? Then when Sam and Bo come home I feel I can't split there time well, and then Walker, I wonder if I give him not enough of my time, but in the same thought I wonder if I give him too much and it takes away from the kids. Then, Kevin, he gets all the leftovers, which is not much! He is so understanding and we had a great talk tonight when he came in a little before ten, that we love each other and are both on the same page about feeling the same way at the end of the day. I am so lucky to have a husband that is always building me up and not tearing me down. I have to say, one of the neatest things I see each day is Sam and Bo getting off that Bus. Walker runs to the steps of the bus and is so excited, he is so proud that the kids get off and they all three run home. Sam and Bo talk a mile a minute. Bo told me today that he just loved me so much. I said, Bo why do you love mommy, is it because I just gave you another brownie. He said, no, its cause you look so good. Ahh, thanks buddy, mommy needed that. We had a blast at the pool tonight. Even though mommy felt yet again rushed making dinner for us and two other families, we still pulled it through and had a great night at the pool. Baylen jumped to me, with my hands and Bo and Sam played and played. Yet again, another time that I wish I could cut myself into thirds. I love me kids, I love my family, I just always want them to know that.