why is it

Why is it that we forget so much?
As I sit here and look at McRae in his little bouncy seat...in his pj's night gown,
I don't remember the others at this age
I see picture but I don't really remember
Just like I don't really remember Samantha at Bo's age and Bo at Baylens age
That kinda makes me sad
I want to always remember them at all the ages
I enjoy them so much where they are, but it would be nice to remember them how they were at all phases
I love how a newborn looks so peaceful when they sleep,,,so so sweet
I love their little feet
Their little fat rolls
Smelling them and brushing their hair after a bath
The sleep bags you put them in at night with hand things that cover their hands
How they do that fast breathing thing when they sleep
How they smile when they sleep
How they move in slow motion
How they make every emotion in their face
How they are so comforted when the are held and rocked
The sounds they make when eating...I want to never forget that sound
The sounds they make when they sleep....

I absolutly love love love staying home with McRae and Baylen
We just work puzzles, have dance parties and play legos
We play trains, eat yogurt and go to storytime
We watch Elmo, play memory and play outside
Baylen adores McRae and wants to teach him everything
I have the best life ever!

In our devotion today we talked about how you feel like you are not making a big difference if you are not doing something huge....but we learned that it really is the little things....the little things...the simple things...mean so very much

It is amazing how having four has made me more mellow, more on time and more balanced...I enjoy the little things so much more.....

Had a blast watching Samantha set up a barbie miss america pagent

You would not believe the stage she set up

Wow!

She has evening gowns and swim suits hanging on hangers

with little faries hanging to help

 
these are the judges and the one to the far right is last years winner wearing her crown

She has this girl standing as the announcer...can you beleive the set up here...so creative! Very detailed

And here are your top 15.....note how she has them all waving...love love love this!

And on a side note.....look at this precious face!!!

Talent competition

I can't say how nice these past few days have been
I have had the best time with my kids
It takes the entire day just taking care of them....and I love being emersed in it....

If i could describe my kids in 14 words

If I could describe my kids in 14 words.....

Samantha.....

kind

intense

sweet

cute

spunky

silly

perfectionist

moody

hard working

honest

artistic

loyal

admits fault

compassionate

Bo...

creative

passionate

quierky

loving

cuddly

interesting

brave

forgiving

laid back

energetic

funny

lovable

one of a kind

cute

Baylen...

smart

orderly

obbsessive

handsome

fun

bossy

laughable

dancy

athletic

polished

talkative

hungry

stocky

smiley

McRae...

precious

long fingered

crazy hair

loves to be held

purrs

sweet mouth

loves bath

little bitty

laid back

innocent

helpless

sleepy

baby smell

perfect

Freeze

Freeze
not as in its cold outside
but freeze time
As much as I look into the future and look forward to the next step or what is coming
I want to take a minute and freeze frame what is happening right now
So I can look back on this and never forget what is going on right now....

Samantha....I love.....
that you want your hair curled in the morning
that you stress over what you are going to wear and even though we lay it out...it still is an issue in the am
that you love cheese grits
that you love to chat with your friends on line
That I have to crank your mouth each night
that we have girl talk and read from a chapter book and devotion each night
That you love to clean your room
that you always want to impress and have to have the last word
that you have such the temper yet always ask for forgivness when you know you were out of line
It amazes me how you will always admit your faults
that you love to dress in girly dresses and wear bows in your hair
How you get so excited to tell me something when you get off the bus
that you love milkshakes
going to gym dawg meets

Bo...I love
How passionate you are about things....even if they are not the things that I would think are most important to be passionate about
that you always hug me and say you love me the most and Cra Cra second
That you are so creative with how you play
that you love to be in your own world
your tooth missing
your hair
how you wear boots all the time
how you stumble around
how you are always jumping off of things
how you have to be told something many many times
how kind you are and never hold grudges
how you love to dance
how you want me to draw hearts on your hand when you go into class
your raspy voice
your vein that sticks out when you get into something in your neck

Baylen
you chubby legs
how smart you are
your little lisp
How OCD you are
Watching you play...trains...legos....blocks
how you are a junk food junkie
how you adore your big brother and sister and baby brother
your hugs
how you help me and I tell you are my helper at the store and it makes you so proud
your funny dances when you are getting into the bath
Watching you be silly for your brother and sister
Your deep belly laugh when I am tickling you....it is sooooo cute
how you love to watch tv late with us
how creative you are
how you don't go to school so you and I can hang

McRae
Your sweet little face when you are asleep...want to know what you are dreaming about
your feet
how you can sleep anytime anywhere
the little sounds and faces you make
the smell of your head
the cute newborn outfits and diapers that you wear
bath time
bottle time
holding you and how it makes you happy.....

As the new year in under way...I strive to have no regrets and never wish something had happened a different way. I want to go with it...just go with it...not dwell on it...or wonder about it ....or doubt it
Just live it
Just do it
Just love it
and laugh when it is crazy and roll with it when it is not
Not talk the talk
but walk the walk
not go backwards in what ifs or how tos
but with lets do it
and lets live it
I could be on that tredmil of on and on thinking
or
I could wake up each day
and go with it
what ever is thrown my way
and know that not everyday will be perfect
and some I may loose my nerve
but all that I do is for a reason
and the kids are learning so much by all our experiences
I love to watch the three of them in the bath
just giggling so very much
As I sit and watch and feed McRae
which I can not tell if he is thinking these kids are crazy or
there kids sound so much fun..let me in!!!!
I think it is both.....

Heres is an awesome mind set...now lets live it!

Four is good...very good

So tonight I realized that it has been that our sweet little family has adjusted quite well to our new addition
All of my anxieties did not happen
I was so worried how Sam Bo and Baylen would react
My fears could not be further from the truth
As I was worried they would feel I was spending too much time with the baby...
and they would tell me to put him down...
none of the above has happened at all
Honestly
the biggest issue
Is they fight over him
All day long....they all want to hold him
Baylen is always including him in conversation like he has always been here
Bo is so proud he has a twin and often kisses him and says...hey twin
And Samantha loves to dress him and hold him and make faces....
As I was getting McRae in his pj's
In our room, because he has none
Baylen was dancing around with McRaes socks on his hands using them as puppets
Samantha was styling his hair
And Bo was giggling the cutest giggle ever
The four were my world
McRae's face said it all
Ahhhh this is good
I think he likes it here
They all fit together like a puzzle
The perfect puzzle
I feel like all I do all day is feed mouths....wipe bottoms....and try to teach lessons
But I was telling Kevin tonight
take me away from that and I would be lost
I feel a bit lost when one of them is gone...I love nothing more then having all of them with me
Don't get me wrong...when they are not behaving I want nothing more then a BREAK
But usually....when all is said and done....I crave them
I feel so blessed that I have the best job in the world!
I could never ever leave them and let someone else enjoy their every move
As I crank Samanthas crank
As I take deep breaths to be patient with Bo
As I laugh and am amazed at the same time with the things that come out of Baylens mouth
As I look at an innocent newborns face.....
I love the many phases we are in....

Good Bye 2012 Hello 2013

I am sipping a glass of red wine
Oh yes I am
And it is new years eve
And it is 10:14
And I am about to put my fourth down for bed...for a few hours atleast
And I will see 2013 around 1 am
I decided to blog before this feeding...to go over just a few things....
A few things that I am thankful for as the year comes to a close
And what I am looking forward to for 2013
First I would like to say
The past three weeks have been a blur
Just like the first few weeks of 2012
It is amazing how this year has had a way of bookended itself
We started the year with a worldwind of saddness in the passing of Grammy
And I am ending the year
not with saddnes
the opposite
But still a worldwind of emotions
I have to say I am so blessed
so happy
and so inlove with my newest little bundle.....
And I say this
because it was today that I realiazed that the other three are inlove with theri brother
and can't get enough
and that makes me happy
I am so thankful....
for how tonight after McCrae's bottle he fell asleep on my chest
and I got a blanket
and it was freezing outside
but we were inside
on the couch and I closed my eyes and could feel him just breath up and down
his face all sqooshed with no cares in the world
and I just sat
and it was perfect
and I did not want him to grow ever....
and to make it even better
Baylen came with him blanket and passy and book
and wanted me to read
and then he wanted to hold "Crae"
and I looked at his sweet little hands on his back
and they looked so big, yet still so small
and I loved to hear Baylen talk with a passy in his mouth,
and he kissed Craes head....and seemed so sweet and gentle with him
and in love
He looked at me and said
lets keep him mom
And then just a few minutes later...Sam comes bouncing in
all smiles
in her princess pjs
wanting to be tucked in....
and Bo came and gave me a kiss on the head and said
I just love you so much mommy
We had fun tonight
as others are living it up downtown

we had lasagna and sparkling water
and toasted the new year
Bo said he loved 2012 because of Ninjago....
Sam said she loved it because she got a brother and had an awesome Christmas
We toasted and watched Big Bird
It was perfect
Not sure Kevin agreed, but I thought it was
So
Good bye 2012
I have so many hopes and dreams for 2013
Things as simple as washing my face and taking a shower every day
And drinking water and doing a devotion
But most importatntly
I look forward to enjoyiing every moment with my kids
And letting things go
and rolling with it
and just being
just being in teh moment
and smelling my babies head
working puzzles with baylen
Looking into Bo's eyes when he is talking to me
and having lots and lots of one on one time with my girl.....
looking forward to 2013.....cheers!

Oh Yea...

I titled this post Oh yea  because that is what happens after you have your fouth baby
There is a lot of Oh yea's
Like Oh yea...I did not remember that...and for good reason
It is amazing what you forget...I guess that is so you will indeed have more
It has been a great amazing few days...but I would like to recount some things...
First of all I am already missing the turning and leaping in my belly
When I came to the hospital Wednesday morning it brought back memories of being here with Kevin
Just the two of  us
Getting into a gown and hooked up to a monitor
It is so exciting
Then is when things go so fast!
I have to say one of my least favorite things in the whole world is getting an iv started
and yet again
It took five plus sticks to get it in
I can't stand iv's hate them with a passion!
Then Mom and Dad come...and the kids come

I can't believe how fast it goes that morning
Then off to prep....we had to go down to the OR this time
All four deliveries have been different
Samantha was at St. Marys and I remember waiting all day for her
Bo was at Regional in a small room....Baylen here too but with a new doctor and bigger room
And this one in the OR
I can still remember how the beds were facing, and how all the rooms look the same..they were still different
I can remember oddly enough how the bed was facing in each surgery
Bo was at 6 o'clock
Baylen was facing at 9 o'clock
and this one was facing 3 o'clock
I remember all of them like they were the same but different
No for the surgery
I will never forget...even though I had forgotten...
How cold the room is
How I hate the waiting of sitting and having your back scrubbed with really cold iodine and having a needle poked in that feels like a very bad bee sting
And then moments later losing all the feeling from you waist down
Then having three people move you onto a table
Totally exposed
You can feel them lifting your legs...like they are as heavy as concrete.
Did I mention there was bright bright lights on you
All modesty is gone...way gone
As if this is not enough
Here comes the nausea
As your arms are strapped down and you can not move  your lower body
It is such a great feeling to throw up to the side
Awful
truly
But is is wonderful to have an amazing anesthesia at your head to fix it....and talk you through it
Then Daddy gets to come in
After all is calm and well
I love this part
when I can just see him and we can talk about what is about to happen
I love to see him in scrubs
Then I always hear
I can see the baby
and then we get to hear the cry
Only this time there was no cry
McRae had some trouble with breathing
which was a bit scary
But they assured me all was okay
I am glad they were calm
I could only see so much
I never like the part where Kevin leaves with the baby and I stay to be sown up
And then recover
It is so long
But what I do love is seeing the kids come in and see what the baby is
And all the family gather around
It feels like we were just here doing that.....
Now back to what you forget
I forgot that that first night is so rough
being hooked up to so many things
Having your temp and blood pressure taken on teh hour
and to be awakened by someone wanting to draw your blood
And the fact that they want you to walk in the middle of the night
Which oh my gosh
so hard
you think you will never walk again
It takes thirty minutes to get up and walk to the bathroom
Which is a whole different story when you have had a catherder
Trying to go for the first time must be how a two year old feels when they are trying to go potty on the big potty And then the feelings
that don't seem to line up with the nurse coming  in and out
And then everything starts back very early the next morning
And I too forget
How you blood pressure drops in the shower that first time
and how it is so hard just to shower
And how pulling off the bandage gives me the heeby geebies
How your cloths still don't fit
But it is nice to put real clothes and get out of that gown
The itchiness is still there....from surgery...you itch all over
The bleeding and the really cool underwear that is netting is great too...and the pad they give you that you could parachute with....why yes... I feel very glam!
And then the emotions always hit
When your kids are here and have to leave
They are like dominoes
One cry's and then the other and then the others
And then I tear up
It is so hard to be away
But I look at the big picture....
This is just a few days without them
I am enjoying some one on one time with my new guy...
As hard as it is to hold back the tears when number 1 2 and 3 walk out of the room
I know that they love me dearly
And I know that they know how important they are to me....
I say it over and over
I am blessed so very blessed!

It's finally 12 12 12

I am just now sitting and it is 12:42am
I think all is done
I am wired
Just like Samantha said...it is like Christmas Eve...
getting to unwrap a wonderful gift in the morning
I am teetering between wanting to really think about it
But then I will get sentimental and emotional
And occupying myself with tasks and the other kids
So I won't think to much about it
About the fact I am having major surgery...
Worrying about the babies health...
Will everything go okay and on and on
It is so bitter sweet
I ache
I hurt
I want my body back
But at the same time I want to remember the kicks and turns
the punches and the whirl wins
I hope that feeling never really leaves you
My sciatica hurts
The pain that shoots down my leg throbs
I miss being able to sit on the floor
and get up from it once I am there
But I know never again
I said that last time...but did not really believe it
Pregnancy is not something I truly love
I don;t not like it
but I am not in love with it
So
As I sit here and wait to unwrap my package in a few short hours I am so many emotions in one
I am still in the recliner on night three with Bo being sick
I worry about him
I had a great girl talk with Samantha
she is the sweetest thing that ever lived
I had a special night playing trains with Baylen and reading Books...
who by the way is not in the least excited about this new addition
As I type, I feel kicks
As I type I am achy and crampy and contractions are here
I want to savor every moment tomorrow
I am ready to meet my fourth blessing
Such Blessings
I finally know now that I will love this one just as much as I love the other three
It took three to truly believe that
I remember each one coming
and questioning how could it be possible
Then I realized that love multiples not divides
I will try to sleep now, five thirty will come fast
Muffins are baked
Each room is clean
all laundry is done
Medicine has been given
bag has been packed
Special dinners the past two nights for the kids have been made
Diaper Bags are ready
Rooms are vacummed mopped and dusted
Fridge is cleaned out
Trains have been played with
Pantry has been stocked
Backpacks and clothes have been layed out
Tummy has been scrubbed
Gifts for birthday parties have been wrapped
cameras are charging
Notes have been written
and prayers have been said
Now we much wait
just a bit longer
for this gift...this wonderful gift...

My plan versus His plan

First some pictures from the week...

the lego ninjago's got a hold of Ryan!

ryan playing uno with all of his strawberry shortcake ladies

Baylen thought UGA deserved a spot in the nativity scence

A message from Ryan to Sam Bo and Bay

Now Ryan, you will not find much in Mommies purse

At the Christmas Parade...it was so much fun!

Samantha and I at our pedicure

It was so much fun....

Love the color she picked!

Samantha thought it was AWESOME

Now Ryan,

You will get a tummy ache

Samantha selling scarves at the Holiday Market

She only sold one

But I am so proud of her

Looking so cute 

Baylen and Hudson at the puppet show

As I sit here and listen to Bo hack up his lungs
I can't help but to think of how yet again I got ahead of myself
and planned way to much out
It was on my calendar
Today and tomorrow were to be chilling out with Baylen
Running some last few errands before the keys were taken away from me
Having my last two days of Baylen napping and getting some down time to clean wrap and have just a few moments to check emails, surf pintrest and watch a little Kelly and Michael
But
Instead
I spend it at the doctor and then going around town to find tamaflu
I already know that I will indeed look back on this and remember when this one was born and how Bo was sick
We will always remember
But now I am a bit emotional
I wanted to enjoy these last two days with Baylen
Nobody or nothing taking any attention away from him
I wanted the perfect pictures at the hospital of Bo Sam and Baylen meeting their sibling
But Bo will not be able to meet him or her that day,,,,,
But like I have said before
I refuse to be bitter
or sad
or resentful
or mad
or anything that is not positive
It is kinds nice when things like this happen
to jolt us
to let us know
to give us that peace
that our plans really are just hooey
I always have this picture of God
right when he thinks we get a little out of hand
He makes a move to put us right back where he wants us
focusing on Him
Knowing that He has the final say
Some may say that is scary
But I find it so very comforting
That I really do not have the control I think I have
Just like how it always seems that someone throws up or spills something the day after I mop
Or how when I get all the laundry done is the time my wonderful husband decides to clean out his gym bag
It just happens that way
So
I will take a different look at it now
And not be sad that I have two boys to take care of these last two days
But be happy that I get to love extra hard on my first boy
and that he gets that extra TLC when he really needs it
And that really he probably will be totally pumped to wear a mask at the hospital
that is his thing!
So as the past few days have not gone as I have planned
I am okay with that
Just like I know the next few weeks will not go as smoothly as I have in my head
But I will let go
My kids are okay
and if they are okay
then I am okay
everything else can go hey wire
and that is okay
really
Presents aren't wrapped
Advent calendars have not been followed
I am guilty of not having HOPE and PEACE these past few days
But
I am glad that I can always reset
and go forward
and be so thankful of the warning
that I am not in control
and that all I can control is my attitude!
So I will be Peaceful and Hopeful looking forward to the next excitement that God throws my way....
I can already tell being a mother of four ROCKS
there will be no time to be perfect....

                                                                 

Here is my husband clark with his peeps in training

                                                        Ryan taking barbie on a date

                                                     Pure sweetness....only the flu can take him
                                                down....and no...as high energy as he is...I never would
                                               wish this on him......

Monday Memories in Motion

What a fun week

Feel like everyone is catching up with us in the Christmas Spirit!

I have come out of mourning for a bit

from the heartache I encountered on Saturday night

we will not discuss that

I know I should have perspective

I know I should know life does go on

But 

my blood bleeds red and black

and I feel like I lost part of my heart on Saturday 

I love my dawgs

But....

know all things happen for a reason

and even though it is just football

all plans will be revealed

Here is one of the MANY sweet things that Samantha does

she melts my heart daily

She has a classmate that lost her mother

She was very sad about this

This is a card that she made her

Wow

Her artwork blows me away!

Ryan the elf has been up to no good all week!

Here he is hanging upside down after drawing mustaches on the kids pictures in the hall

Jamming on the guitar

Baylen has loved getting out Bo's toys that he has not played with in a while

He loves trains and rescue heros

Samantha has been an amazing sister and loves to play with him

They sit together and run the trains and yell

ALL ABOARD CHOO CHOO

Baylen gets such a kick out of it

 Falling asleep to our first Christmas movie of the 25 days of Christmas countdown!

Baylen is very excited that he is part of the fun....

 Ryan brought advent calandars.....very exciting even though Baylen wanted to open all the flaps at once

Get ready

This is quite funny

Bo can to me and asked if I could take some pictures of him 

being a gun man

 Should I be concerned

Don't you love the black socks

 This is how Piper decided to enjoy the rest of Kevin's icecream
Have seen a lot, but never this!

This is what I found in Samanthas room

the sweetest thing EVER!!!!

Get'n crafty...made this for my niece Rebecca....

Ryan working a puzzle

Ryan on the potty...how inappropriate...yet very funny and a bit hit!

Peppermint milkshakes for Sam and Bayeln after second day of orthodontist! Sam was a trooper!

 Ryan was covered in stickers and Sam and Bo woke up to find stickers on each others foreheads!

 Samantha insisted that the baby got a few shots.....

I love advent....we have started a lot of our advent traditions around the house....our chain that counts down to Christmas....watching movies or shows each night....reading a christmas book and scripture from the Christmas story...of course eating our advent chocolate and doing fun activites from our advent activity calandar. We have also made an advent wreath and tree that helps us remember symbols and what we need to focus on each week of this season. 

 HOPE

“The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those

who lived in a land of deep darkness — on them light has shined.”

– Isaiah 9:2

Lord as we look to the birth of Jesus, grant that the light of your

love for us will help us to become lights in the lives of those around

us. Prepare our hearts for the joy and gladness of your coming, for

Jesus is our HOPE.