It's finally 12 12 12

I am just now sitting and it is 12:42am
I think all is done
I am wired
Just like Samantha said...it is like Christmas Eve...
getting to unwrap a wonderful gift in the morning
I am teetering between wanting to really think about it
But then I will get sentimental and emotional
And occupying myself with tasks and the other kids
So I won't think to much about it
About the fact I am having major surgery...
Worrying about the babies health...
Will everything go okay and on and on
It is so bitter sweet
I ache
I hurt
I want my body back
But at the same time I want to remember the kicks and turns
the punches and the whirl wins
I hope that feeling never really leaves you
My sciatica hurts
The pain that shoots down my leg throbs
I miss being able to sit on the floor
and get up from it once I am there
But I know never again
I said that last time...but did not really believe it
Pregnancy is not something I truly love
I don;t not like it
but I am not in love with it
So
As I sit here and wait to unwrap my package in a few short hours I am so many emotions in one
I am still in the recliner on night three with Bo being sick
I worry about him
I had a great girl talk with Samantha
she is the sweetest thing that ever lived
I had a special night playing trains with Baylen and reading Books...
who by the way is not in the least excited about this new addition
As I type, I feel kicks
As I type I am achy and crampy and contractions are here
I want to savor every moment tomorrow
I am ready to meet my fourth blessing
Such Blessings
I finally know now that I will love this one just as much as I love the other three
It took three to truly believe that
I remember each one coming
and questioning how could it be possible
Then I realized that love multiples not divides
I will try to sleep now, five thirty will come fast
Muffins are baked
Each room is clean
all laundry is done
Medicine has been given
bag has been packed
Special dinners the past two nights for the kids have been made
Diaper Bags are ready
Rooms are vacummed mopped and dusted
Fridge is cleaned out
Trains have been played with
Pantry has been stocked
Backpacks and clothes have been layed out
Tummy has been scrubbed
Gifts for birthday parties have been wrapped
cameras are charging
Notes have been written
and prayers have been said
Now we much wait
just a bit longer
for this gift...this wonderful gift...