I am back on the train....after Christmas, Barrow Boogie, beach pack, beach, beach unpack, Bo's birthday planning, happenings, cleaning up from it, opening day at the ballpark, preparing for Bo's big conferences and the other kiddos conferences....on top of my lovelies being home for half day and picking up some more hours at the gym...I am seeing a little bit of clear space on the horizon. Enough that I indeed got back on par with laundry to day and dishes. Translation...they are not overflowing. The kids rooms are still a force to be reckoned with and winter clothes are still staring me in the face when we are in full spring mode...but I am not drowning at the moment. I feel about 82 percent of my day with guilt...guilt of am I grieving enough of myself to each child...my husband...my family. Then in turn the worry of am I not giving enough time to myself...not like you think...but like did I shower, brush my teeth, eat a vegetable or take a vitamin today. So, one of the guilty things I ponder is that I can't remember my kiddos as little wee ones. As I look at McRae...I just cant picture the other three in a car-seat at three. I squint my eyes and try, but it was like another life ago. I try so hard to stay right here...not getting too stuck in the past and wishing it was still here....and I try just as hard not to worry or be anxious about the future...It is just so dang hard. I want to try and meet you here every Wednesday and Sunday. Kinda my check in times. My Wednesday Wonderfuls and Sunday Summaries. We will see. I want to post pics of what is going on and include my thoughts, prayers and happenings. I hope to have this for my kids to look at as they grow to remind them of how much fun we had, are having and what my hopes and dreams are for them. I want to be able to look back on it and smile at the funny things they said and the big picture that in intertwined with the little things that happened each day. I want it to be a way to show a testimony of how God weaves His master plan into this big thing called life. As I sit here on Thursday during Holy Week it is my prayer that I end this lenten season with full trust and thanksgiving. Giving all the moments to God and letting him know how thankful I am for my many blessings....
Just a quick thought....\

Samantha....you are the sweetest, kindest most genuine person I know. I am not just saying this. One word that describes you is passionate. You are passionate about everything you do.  You are forgiving, humble and innocent. You are quick to admit your faults and have a tender soul.

Bo.....you are determined. You are all in or all out there is not in between. You are quick to anger but quick to fall to your knees and pray. You have a soul that is deep and rooted. I learn so much from you in how to be a free spirit and roll with things.

Baylen....you are a breath of fresh air. Unlike you your older siblings you do not stress nor anger. You stay in the moment and speak the truth. A word for you is balance. You balance me. You are a deep thinker yet are very level headed. You have a way about you that brings peace.

McRae....you are a little ball of fire. You glow in so many ways with your flame. You are feisty yet constantly hugging. You hold your own. A word for you is crafty. In the sense of one step ahead at all times. When I think I know your next move you always seem to amaze me. Your way of saying things makes me laugh and worry at the same time. I love that you are a mix of the olders yet your own at the same time.