May notes

Okay, so I have decided to change some things up a bit. I originally did this blog for a journal for myself to keep up with memories of the kids, but now I want to share it with everyone. I apologize if past letters seem silly, just love my kids! Also, I was rigid about only posting on the day of Samantha Bo and Baylens birthdays each month, but I am changing that. With Riley passing away, which I can not believe happened the night of my last blog...I have learned no to be so rigid. I will post maybe everyday, twice a day, not few a few days. I will still post pics of kids on the last day of the month, but will blog as I feel moved. These first two weeks of May have been a blur for me. Our sweet Riley passed away Thursday night April 28th, we found out April 29th, it was a Friday, morning of the Royal Wedding, and Samantha's Slumber party. The day is a blur for me. I have put together a scrapbook and memory book that includes memories from her life and journals that others have written to me, and I have written these past two weeks. I have learned a lot about myself. For one, I love deep. I grieve deep. I have learned that I am not in control like I so often think I am, and that my faith had to endure a little work. I have discovered, cried, realized, worried, guilt tripped, read, talked, prayed and the list goes on and on....I have come to many conclusions but the main one is that we should live in the moment, count our blessings and be content with just being.

In the midst of Riley passing that Friday I spent basically the whole day with her not wanting to let go. Then I did have to to plan for eight little girls to come to our house for a birthday party. The next day was off to t-ball and soccer and then Baylens first birthday on Sunday. He had a Very Hungry Caterpillar Party. Monday and Tuesday just went by and then we celebrated Samantha's eighth birthday. Then Bo graduated from pre-k that Friday. An emotional 7 days to say the least. We got through it, I was there, but not there. We are not sure what did happen to Riley, she had pancrintitis, but not sure that is what got her. I do know it was her time, it was not my time for it to be her time, but that is just one of the many lessons I have learned in this process. Walker is grieving her loss to as he wears her collar around and leaves her food each night.